20 December 2009

Afraid to Dream ~ a reprise


So this morning I woke up sweating and trembling. Here it is 2 hours later and I still remember it as vividly as if it were happening at this moment. It repeats in my mind in a constant loop. *sigh* I know for many of you, this would only mean you might be scared for a few minutes, realize it was a dream and move on. Alas, it just doesn't work quite that way for me. If you have been reading my blog, you know that dreams are not my forte. If this is the first of my posts you've experienced (first, welcome! second ...) feel free to read the more telling story here.

OK, so perhaps you would like some details. Bear with me as I pause a bit (not that you'll likely notice as you're reading) but it's difficult to divulge.

**I'll input "....." to let you know where I stopped/cried/paused/freaked out**

So here goes .....

Without knowing the reasons or the circumstances leading up to these events, I'm at my mom's house. For some reason, we are all pretty scared already. To make a long story short, some sort of sharp shooter was attacking all the members of my family. Like I said, I have no idea what motive he had in so doing but he was picking off each member, one by one. He started outside the house and shot through the windows. Of course we then got down on the floor, fearing for our lives. This just made his chase get closer and closer until he was in the house. In scenes that seemed to be similar to that of Jason or Michael Myers (if either might have carried a rifle of some sort) he found each member of my family and killed them with a single shot.

As he approached the room where I stood motionless (however trembling - go figure) with my bf and my nephew, I tried to come up with a way to protect us. In the blink of an eye (not sure if my motionless body caused me to blank out or what), he had somehow entered the room, shot my bf 3 times (an apparent struggle) and turned to come after my nephew. .....

It's so weird to be able to see it all happen and to be a part of the happening, all at once. It sounds weird to me as I try to form the words to explain it so that it makes sense to you. But I watched as he shot my nephew in the leg, he only got the leg because I lunged at him. In the same moment, we were in the kitchen and falling down the front stairs toward the door. Having the advantage of being above him, I was able to stop a bullet, that rang out right next to my face, from piercing my skull. Somehow a scuffle ensues and I manage to get the rifle pointed at him. When I open my eyes, my nephew is hugging me, crying, on the floor at the top of the stairs. I have no idea how I got there or if the killer is dead but I do see his body at the bottom of the stairs.

When I wake up again, my mom and other members of my family are coming into the house and upstairs. I was apparently dreaming and begin uncontrollable sobbing.

Then I wake up, trembling and crying. Once I realize that it was a dream - within a dream *whew* - I manage to get out of bed to wash my face.

Here it is, hours after I woke from the dream, I am still shaken by it. Given my feelings regarding my family and given my track record with dreams, I'm beyond freaked out.



I think that's enough now, I did better than I thought I would.


TTYS

*~*VWayne*~*

03 November 2009

All Hallow's Eve 2009

So I wanted all my followers here @ Beyond the Veil to have the opportunity to view my pictures from Halloween, even if you aren't my friend on FaceBook (the only other place I posted them) so I created some slideshows for ya.

I hope to hear your thoughts ... (there are 3 sets)


SET ONE




SET TWO




SET THREE



Again, your thoughts are appreciated ...

TTYS
*~VWayne~*

03 October 2009

Ummm ... excuse me ... what's my motivation?



I don't really have much that I want to talk about today. I suppose it's more of a question of my readership - if there is so much of a readership for Beyond the Veil. Does anyone still read this? I mean REALLY read it? Like whenever I post something, are you checking it out? I know the sporadic nature of my posting makes it pretty difficult to really stay interested. So now I want your input, if you don't mind.

So with Beyond the Veil's overhaul, what would you like to see? I'm not like everyone else and so I'm not looking to be some sort of fashion and gossip site. I guess I'm trying to find out exactly where the overlap or intersection is in regards to what's me and what actually interests you ABOUT me. So I'm enlisting your assistance. I have lost motivation - in a lot of things, but that's a different story - yet I still want to continue.

So what do you think? Nothing is out of the question - well, let me rethink that statement - all input will be considered.

So let's get to it! Bombard me with all your thoughts!

*~*VWayne*~*

13 September 2009

From 'Sex, Lies and Videotape' to Sex, OMG and ... WTF?!

I'm torn!

I see one side ... while also seeing another!

My thoughts are circling quite quickly through my head regarding a German ad campaign just brought to my attention. I'm going to attempt to give you all my thoughts on the subject but I would, first, like for you to see the video in question. It raises many different emotions, feelings, questions, thoughts and concerns. Before you view this, I would like to say that it is graphic in nature. It does depict sexual acts and this video is not likely suitable for children or to those who might find offense in sexual matter. I recently added the 18+ stamp to my blog, not for my own content but because I know that some of the blogs I follow tend to be of a graphic nature. I didn't think that I would need it for myself, but - I'm glad I changed it now.

Many of you know that TV in other countries is looked at and censored a lot differently than it is here in the US. These ads would likely not make it past the FCC cuts and so I implore you to look at this with eyes wide open - although you might blush and want to cover your face. It is extremely NSFW but is necessary for a good piece of healthy debate on the subject. I will follow the video with my own thoughts on it and welcome your comments, questions and concerns thereafter. I do want to respond to any and all comments so please bring on the debate. Without further ado ... take a gander.

AIDS Is A Mass Murderer from Laborarbeiter on Vimeo.



WOW, right?!

We might as well state the obvious facts first: The ad is extremely successful in being provocative, attention-grabbing, sensational, etc, etc. It causes an immediate reaction of some sort (probably due to the sexual nature) and then it might take you somewhere else. You may begin to rethink your initial reaction as you watch more of it. Thirty-Six seconds into the video, your total frame of mind changes as you realize this sex-clad mini-movie is about something more than just sex. Then you get the caption "AIDS is a Mass Murderer ... Protect Yourself!" and you get a glimpse of the point they are trying to drive home.

Truth: Sex grabs your attention and causes you to take a look at what's being displayed.
Question: Why doesn't this sexual encounter ever show a condom to drive the point?

Truth: Correlating AIDS to Adolf Hitler will likely make you think twice.
Question: What does Adolf Hitler's involvement really make you think?

It's true, sex sells. When we're talking about a STD/STI, it's obvious that the best way to drive it home is to utilize sex. The virus IS transmitted during sex. This is not disputed. Adolf Hitler automatically makes you think back to The Holocaust and his quest for racial purity. You're automatically lead to recalling the many people killed and placed into concentration camps. These are the successful accomplishments the designers of this advertisement are seeking. But does this correlation of his mass murdering to the deaths caused by HIV and AIDS drive the point or create a larger problem?

I look at this advertisement and question the ostracism caused. This way of thinking lends a hand in taking us back into the age of thinking those who are carriers of the disease to be the enemy of those without. They are now to be likened with an evil dictator. The truth behind this: there are many who have contracted the disease and do not care about those who might contract the disease from them. They do have un-protected sex and might even seek out transmitting it to others. On this point, I agree with the ad. I will venture to say, however, that the vast majority of those who have the disease do live their lives responsibly and make their partners aware and act accordingly. It (the ad) leans to the thought that there are good people who are guilty of committing the crime of willingly killing others. This ad somehow seems a bit destructive to those who are trying to do the right thing and it's motives, although seemingly genuine, can be misconstrued as blatantly counter-productive

One of the ad's creators says, "Basically, we wanted to give the virus a face and this cannot be a beautiful face ... that's why we hit on Adolf Hitler. (Amongst others - see the end of this blog for those pictures)" I believe there is an apparent level complacency regarding this disease that has been developing over the years and the level of awareness has decreased. This brings about the need for measures we haven't seen previously - the old means may not be as effective anymore since we have made strides in medicine to keep the disease at bay. Many feel as though it's just something they can get and they will be fine to live their lives as they had always. And so this sort of shocking, in-your-face, new age way of bringing attention might be necessary.

I suppose my thoughts on this issue ride delicately along a tightrope as if I am an elephant on a unicycle. I have yet to fall to one side and make a definitive decision on which more compels me. I have many different things that I wanted to discuss yet the length of this post scares me into belief that people may not read it and therefore the discussion will not be had. This is an important debate and the need for constant debate is why the ad was called for by Germany's Regenbogen (German for 'Rainbow'). So if this is not discussed, the ad, the need for awareness, and this blog are all moot points.


I would love to hear your thoughts and points on this topic and I open the floor for discussion. This topic affects each and every one of us in one way and/or another. I will likely bring up more of my thoughts as the discussion continues

Ciao for Now,
VWayne

EDIT: I forgot to add the pictures from the non-TV spots they are circulating as well:


Adolf Hitler Poster

Saddam Hussein Poster

Joseph Stalin Poster


I would also like for you to read through all of the comments posted before your own as the debate would be better served if we are actually participating in a full dialogue.

11 September 2009

Afraid to Dream

I'm sure the first thought at seeing this title will be that I may have some sort of fear of failure. Or that I am afraid of the fight to achieve my dreams. That isn't exactly what my dream fear entails or means.

I FEAR MY DREAMS BECAUSE THEY COME TRUE!

I fear only the dreams that I can remember, however. When I wake up and, after the grogginess of attempting to get a handle on being awake, I can still remember many of the details, I then am nervous. I'm sure this can seem somewhat irrational but it bothers me greatly. To go deeper into it, I consider them to be premonitions of sort - but only those that I can remember ... vividly.

I've awaken to thoughts of many people being hit by cars, struck by lightning, shot in gang crossfire, etc. These wouldn't be such awful things if I didn't get some sort of validation of all the things I had seen. These wouldn't be such horrible things if they weren't always such bad dreams that I remembered. There is a possibility I just have a bit more emotion toward the ones that cause the most grief. It is possible that I have had more good-natured dreams yet the less than appealing ones have overshadowed them due to the gravity of the realization that these bad things do, in fact, come true. This causes some weighted imbalance. The anger, frustration and confusion of these foreboding dreams leave a greater weight on the side of my mind housing their existence, thereby overshadowing the existence of their opposite counterpart.

Perhaps the biggest and most significant of the dreams, and probably the last one that I can actually remember, happened 8 years ago today while I was away at school. In fewer details than those that run through my mind ... I was on an airplane - a passenger. I don't know where I'm going. I just recall being in a plane. Who knows if the movie (dream) started when I first fell asleep that night or if it began early the next morning. Who knows if the dream started with me sitting in my seat, or getting onto the plane. Funny how dreams work, I can see everything as though it's a movie, my own thoughts and fears, those of the other passengers, as well as see the outside of the plane *I'm guessing this is my mind telling me it is, in fact, a dream.*

We are all too scared to move and, despite all the other things my mind is showing me, I don't look out the window - it doesn't appear that anyone does. *I try not to look out the window on planes anyway - have I mentioned I have a fear of flying? I need to sit next to the window just in case I feel the need to look out on those rare occasions that I need to see the clouds to ensure I'm still up there. I digress.* Suddenly we make a turn and I'm just about on my side. As my heart races to speeds resulting in a sound which could only be described as that of a hummingbird, the 'camera' pans out and I can see the AA on the tail of the plane. Minutes or seconds or no time at all *it's a dream, remember?* go by and I see buildings. My heart sinks because we are too low. We aren't "going back to the airport." *When was I told that was where we were going? I dunno* Just then the 'camera' pans again and we are headed for a building. It seems like slow motion but I'm sure it isn't. Impact is nanoseconds away and I close my eyes to pray ...

My eyes snap open and my breathing is extremely fast. As I try to calm myself, I say over and over that "it's just a dream and everything will be OK." I can't, however, shake the thought that I will die in an airplane crash.

I look at the clock: 7:46. A new wave of panic ensues as I have an 8am set design class. I think to myself, "Why didn't my alarm clock go off? If my roommate turned it off AGAIN...!?" I don't have time to speculate as I scramble to get my clothes on and brush my teeth before darting out the building.

The Theatre Building isn't that far and so I make it to class @ about 8:02 or 8:03. It's quiet - the instructor apparently hasn't made it yet and so I relax.

A couple minutes later, a classmate, Emily, walks in and shouts, "Those FUCKERS blew up the twin towers!" The looks on the faces around me range from shock to confusion, groggy to bewildered. I'm not totally sure what the twin towers are. *I'd never been to NYC until my birthday this year (2009)* She then, hysterically, explained the events, as she knew them, and tears streamed down my face.

After some time, one of the faculty members came in and explained more of what happened and dismissed everyone. As I ran back to my building, my cell phone rang, my mom. Our conversation was a blur, especially since I was an emotional wreck - things were slowly starting to come together with my dream. In the lobby of my building, they were setting up a television so the students without TV's could watch the news. I ran to my room and woke up my roommate minutes before his own cell rang - his mom. I finished explaining to him all that I knew just before he picked it up and I turned on the television to begin watching, OVER AND OVER (on EVERY CHANNEL), the events from my dream.

I maintained a sedated state the rest of the day - crawling through different actions like a zombie - unable to tear myself away from the TV for more than a few minutes. I don't even think I heard the words from the newscasters for being so into my own thoughts. This was, by far, the absolute worst dream-come-true I had ever experienced and I was afraid to go back to sleep. I'm not certain that I even did for at least a couple days thereafter.

*************************************************************************

I apologize, I didn't really want this to be so long. I started writing this a couple weeks ago after I woke up from a bad dream about 2 kids almost being killed by a train. The details are a bit sketchy but, as this is the first dream (in a long time) I can actually remember SOME details, it scared me REALLY badly! Those of you following me on Twitter and friends on FB probably recall my messages of horror.

I'm not even sure where I was going with this post anymore, I got so caught up in the details of that day. Basically, I have quite a few blogs that aren't posted because they're unfinished works of some kind. Despite how much I wanted to post this a couple weeks ago, I didn't. I got caught up in something else and it didn't get posted. Nonetheless, I noticed how many people were posting questions about "where were you when the planes impacted?" and it made me think about it...again. I'm sure you can understand why I have some sort of mental block on this day every year. I don't really want to be reminded of it.

Anyway, there you have it: I have a fear of dreaming because if I can remember it, it will apparently come true. Now it has been 8 years since the worst dream I've ever had came true. Hell, it apparently was happening as I was dreaming it.

BTW, none of what I have just said has been fictional, these are true accounts of my day, 8 years ago.



Dear God, please watch out for the souls that transitioned on this day 8 years past. Please also take care of those who are still here and get a yearly - if not daily - reminder that their loved ones are no longer physically here to be with them. 8 years is not always enough time to console the heart from absence, especially when it's rehashed so many times in the media. So I ask that you watch over them and keep them closer to you in their time of need. These things and more I ask in Jesus' name. AMEN

31 August 2009

Case of the "X"

So I began writing this entry on the 4th of July as Hifey and I were headed to Baby Mama's house. *perhaps I will explain "Baby Mama" later. Well it had a serious point then, yet I hadn't completed it. Well, this morning another reason came about and so I'm going to extend an already long post *sorry* so you can get all the details.

As you will come to know, I tend to seek out friendships with my exes rather than to just cut them off completely. I am not sure if that comes from the "don't burn your bridges" mentality, a way to hold their idiocy over their heads at a later date, or that old saying "keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer" - I have no clue. (Now don't get me wrong, not all my exes are jackasses (or the like), so some deserve at least a chance at friendship, right? I don't know.) All I know is that for me, the attempt - at LEAST the attempt - is there to keep some sort of ties for them to my life. Just because we aren't destined for relationship doesn't mean we can't at least be friends, right? Well this works for me ... I guess it is the same mentality I've used with my dancers - there are certain constraints ... if you utilize what's given to you properly, you will excel. Conversely, if the system does not work for you, you will end up hanging yourself and all options will prove our friendship unnecessary. Perhaps its just my forgiving nature that allows me to allow them to stay. Oh, well ... it tends to work for me ...

But not for others ...

I respect that but some may not. Take my Hifey, the love of my life, the man for whom God's words tell me I will be with for the rest of my life, Jordyn. He is one such person that believes the concept of "ex for a reason" and that there is nothing more to be other than merely cordial with his exes. If you know Jordyn you wonder how people could do such stupid things to damn themselves to a barely-living existence without him. Nonetheless, I digress ... Hifey's views are explicit and quite clear to any and everyone who knows him, so to go against these wishes - and sometimes merely to ask questions about his opinion is basically ... well, redundant and pointless.

Well, Hifey's mom went against his wishes. Knowing full well his desires on the issue, she was out and saw his ex and gave out the new Chicago phone#. I'm not quite sure I can accurately express the conflicting thoughts I had (hell, still have) on this subject. On the one hand, I want, very earnestly, for his mother's approval. I'm not really certain why. Perhaps it's that I have never had to fight for the approval of any parent of someone I was dating - EVER! But then again, she just has a seriously rigid exterior and I would love for her to realize that I mean her son no harm. (that won't likely change her exterior, but ... I dunno) Now, on the other hand, it's another thing to go against explicit wishes that your son doesn't do the "ex thing" and definitely doesn't want to talk to them like that. I mean, it gets even worse once you know that the relationship ended with events leading up to violence - and I mean someone needing to go to the hospital type violence. Why, oh WHY would you divulge your son's telephone number? *SIGH* *SMH*

Anyway ... as if this wasn't enough ... today sparked another situation along these same lines. Well, let me take a step back.

So Hifey's mother gave the ex, Mark ("X" in Hifey's cell), his phone number and he is one of those latch-on-and-never-let-go types. You know the type - the ones that, once they realize the water's gone from the well, they jump down the hole and try to dig for more? *sigh* Well, despite the fact that Hifey ignores him, the man continues to call (at all hours of the day and night, I might add) and often times texts. *grunts* Anyway ... last week I was pissed off to find that he had sent 14 fucking text messages - I mean, dude, don't you have a life?! I didn't, however, respond. I mean, Hifey's took care of it, right? Well, his way of taking care of it, ignore it. So today comes around - the man apparently doesn't want to allow 7 days to go by without making some form of contact - and at 5:30am, another text message: some shit about "I was thinking of coming to Chicago, can I stay with you?" MUTHAF... *deep breath in - deep breath out* I decided to take the high road in this situation and send a message back: something like "This is his bf and I would really appreciate if you would stop contacting him. You are sending messages at 5:30 in the morning? You're extremely rude! So do us all a favor and stop contacting him. Thanks." Now this is just a summary of the message, I can't remember my exact words. Nonetheless, I let Hifey know that if he continues to send messages, call, what have you, I will personally call T-Mobile and get his phone number changed. Should his mother give it to him again, I will change it again and she should not receive it.

Am I wrong with my reaction? Was this not what I should have done, should have said? Hifey asked me why I would even say anything and if I did say anything why did I start with the niceties first before telling him how I truly feel regarding his sorry ass. I decided that it was important to give him the opportunity to do the right thing first. I told him what I felt was necessary and will allow him to make the next move. Let me say that his response was "lol" and that speaks volumes. I'm over him and dare him to further attempt insertion into my relationship.

Just wanted to get that out of my system and, furthermore, off my chest. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

25 August 2009

Where I Be 102



Goldstar: "I bought tickets to this event for hifey and I on Goldstar. They have half-price tickets and member reviews of concerts, sports, theater and more.
I'm already a member! http://www.goldstar.com/events/chicago-il/cirque-shanghais-bright-spirit.html?p=F1092596PB"

We're going on Wednesday, August 26, 2009 @ 2:00pm should you want to join us!

Tickets through Goldstar are only $16 including fees and such!

I can't wait ... I've never seen a Cirque show but I'm super excited about it!

21 August 2009

Where I Be 101

What's going on everyone ... it's been a minute and I'm going to change that, but today's post is to give some info. A good friend of mine is having a party tonight and I think you should be there.



It's the rebirth of a Chicago alternative night-life icon, the Generator. No it isn't at the Generator but it's going to be just as hot, if not hotter! I will be there and I hope to see you as well! Actually if you're there WITH me, there might be a surprise for you! Hmmmm ... incentive? I think SO!

So, gay, straight, lesbian, bi, transgender, questioning? You should be @ the hottest opening party of the summer!

Upgrade Your Nightlife ...

and remember ...

"IF IT ISN'T LUXe... IT ISN'T LIFE"

12 July 2009

HOLD IT/DUH/OOPS ... *This is the last one, tonight, I promise* :-)

When I started my first blog, I mentioned how I would write it as though I was talking to family or a really good friend (ie, family). So with that being said, I had to remember that I didn't tell you guys what has happened to me in my weeks of not posting blogs ...

On Tuesday, June 23, 2009, after almost 2 years of hard work *giggle* (inside joke), my position of income-generating employment was terminated. I won't give the details because it isn't necessary, but I'm no longer there. So I'm here - in a space where many tell me I should be focusing on my dance talents ... I have no motivation - that hurts my heart.

I used to be my motivation to succeed with dance and accomplish the things I set out to achieve, but I don't currently feel that. I'm sure it's just an emotion that's bottled up somewhere within trying to get out, but it isn't showing itself. Perhaps it's tired and waiting for some sort of catalyst to bring it back to life, yet it presently hides. *sigh*
.....

On Friday, June 26, 2009, I pulled off a great feat! Hifey's birthday was on Saturday, June 20th and I had put together a surprise birthday party for him the following Friday. With the help of others and despite the obvious attempts by the devil and his minions to sabotage my great deed, a white party was had for him - at his house. The topper, I flew in his best friend (they hadn't seen each other in about 3 years!) to add to the celebration. He was very appreciative and extremely happy - despite his lack of enthusiasm toward surprises. It was gorgeous and he deserved every bit of smile on his face that evening and several subsequent evenings.

I know this might sound a bit irresponsible given that I just lost my job only days before, but if there's one thing Hifey has taught me, it's that life is about enjoying the things you have before you. That and the fact that all the things were set in motion - obviously - before I was blindsighted with job loss.
.....

On Tuesday, July 7, 2009, hifey and I made 6 months of happiness. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that every day is roses. I will say that we have made every day count and attempted to find those roses in as many days as we possibly can. We have a lot of things going against us and we haven't a plan to let those things deter us from our ever-developing happiness. We've made many strides in only half a year of being officially mutually-exclusive. Damnit, I love that man something sick! *giggle*
.....

I will do my absolute best to not let so much time go by between posts from now on. I wanted to use this blog as a means of getting information out there and I was slacking. Granted, June is USUALLY and will likely forever be one of my busiest months - my birthday *typically celebrated all 30 days* and now Hifey's birthday is added to that celebration.

No excuses ... I will start posting more often ...

Ciao for Now,
VW

How the heck do you do this?

OK, so I had been gone for some time and now I come back with, what, 5 posts in less than 12 hours???? I know, I'm sorry, but I have had a lot of things that I wanted to talk about - some of which are still sitting in the "draft" status and just unfinished masterpieces - shut it, they could be my own masterpieces.

Well, the more I look at my profile, I realize it looks very dull and dreary and I'm not so sure that suits me. I'm not dull and dreary, so why does my page look like that, right? I need help.

You know I'm relatively new to this, perhaps you've seen someone else's blog and can give me some pointers? Maybe you have done your own and have some ideas that might help spruce my page up - aside from a new color scheme. My favorite blog A Day in the Life of Kendal has some pictures of models and actors - one of which I have had some extensive conversations with in the past regarding my career *I digress* and so I was thinking that maybe I could add some photography to the site? But then what do I add? Pictures of whom? I find that I will be giving certain parties a certain level of anonymity in my blog, so I don't know that pictures of friends and family will work.

*sigh*

A little help here, people ... ?

English Royalty

Hmmm ...

Somewhere amongst all the movies and television programs I have watched regarding this bloodline, I believe I have developed some sort of spirit of intrigue. I desire to know more. I find myself talking more and more - and sometimes in the written word - to speak in old English.

Hifey *one of these days there will be a post devoted solely to him* is a huge fan of the Tudor period and subsequently Tudor-style homes. He plans to design our home to be modeled as such. Anyway, I don't think I knew anything more than the mention of King Henry VIII to tell you anything of this period before Hifey's influence. I believe *and this will likely be somewhat garbled from the actual series of events* as a child his father called him a prince - thus if you know him, you will likely see "Prince" or "HRH (His Royal Highness)" somewhere around his name. (thank goodness he doesn't require that I treat him as though I am his lowly subject - that wouldn't likely go over well) His former neighborhood had a name - the specifics eludes me at this moment - that had to do with royalty or something with the potential to have one recall some sort of English nobility or the like. *Cambridge - perhaps that was the street name* ... Either way, the streets had names like those of English cities or something like that and the name of the neighborhood ... well, you get the point. Anyway ... there was also - on the home where he spent most of his life (and in the area in which he would one day like for us to, one day, own property) - a crest and coat of arms above the door. I believe that story goes that the original architects of the building built it as somewhat of an homage to their original home - England *there's more to it, I'm sure.* I'm likely butchering this story and he'll *undoubtedly* tell me about it soon after reading this (yes, he reads my meager attempt at blogging). Nonetheless, even if that is somewhat incorrect, the story is similar to the truth (I'm most definitely not trying to sensationalize his love of English royalty). So that's that - he is in love with anything that has to do with the Tudor period.

Thus my current state. Hifey has expressed such an interest in these things that, of course, I have followed suit. Is not a relationship about loving - or at least having some sort of knowledge about - the things your partner *I am not a fan of this descriptor for our *or any for that matter) relationship? Anyway ... as I've been attempting to learn more and more *I did already like the Showtime series "The Tudors" - no doubt because I believe Jonathan Rhys Meyers to be quite the looker* I have found myself enjoying more and more of it. I sometimes wonder what things would have been like had we actually lived in that period.

So I just finished the 10-time Academy Award nominated movie Anne of the Thousand Days - the story of Henry VIII's "love affair" with Anne Boleyn - and many questions circle through the confines of my mind. I'm curious as to what was true of Henry's love for Anne - or for any of his wives, for that matter. That he would commit countless acts of adultery, throw one wife away to marry another, then have that one beheaded so that he might marry yet another, and so much more - all with the rationale of begetting a male heir to the English throne? I understand the thought of that time and how women were merely to obey their husbands and held no true power, but he professed such love for them all. Can there be this much love to be had from one man? Was he not using them all? Did they all not see this? I find myself torn between whether there was a true love of these women or merely a great deal of lust for what the opposite sex could provide him - and what they couldn't, despite his longing.

Now I find myself trying to bring these same themes into the here and now ... with those men who cheat ... what is it that drives them? Is there some larger-than-life rationale, such as King Henry had? Or is it merely for the lusting and momentary flex of power and pleasure that it's done? Maybe this is actually what drove King Henry and the intense "hunger" he had for a son was merely a superficial reasoning that scholars have come up with over the many years following his and his family's reign? Perhaps I'm taking this a great deal out of context in some way, but I am starting to find this era fascinating.

Anne of the Thousand Days has undoubtedly solidified my curiosity with these people, their lives, their deaths, and so much in between. I would like to think it had nothing to do with the depictions of King Henry and Anne Boleyn by Richard Burton and Genevieve Bujold, prospectively, despite the fact that they diddo really great jobs (both received nods for their performances). I also think that perhaps the lives these people lead were just filled with lots of interesting facts - and the different thoughts on what truly transpired doesn't help any. Hifey and I have discussed - in so many words - the many interpretations and depictions of these times and I suppose that might also be what causes a great deal of my intrigue. So many have very different thoughts on what has actually happened that it leads you to crave exploration of them all. I don't think the appeal it has for me holds a candle to that of the hifey but I do consider myself hooked.

It's also funny that I mentioned to him the costumes from the aforementioned movie and my subsequent research lead me to find Costume Design to be the 1 Academy Award the film did win.

I didn't plan for this to get so long or to be so ... well, I think I should stop apologizing for my posts' lengths at this stage. :-)

Ciao for Now

11 July 2009

Bases Loaded ... ??? aka WHAT THE ... ?

Let me start this post by saying that you just might need to read it more than once. - I just did.

OK - a little exposition: When I just read this I finished in somewhat of a dumbfounded state. I was trying to figure out what I was thinking when I originally wrote this - moreso (is that supposed to be one word or two? hmmm), I was trying to place a rationale on it without actually finishing the piece and trying to figure out what I was thinking afterward - you know, look at the piece as a whole? Well ... I won't tell you what I figured out ... I'll just let you take it the way you want to ... maybe you will be able to figure it out based on previous posts, maybe you won't figure it out until later, maybe you never will figure it out at all. Either way, there is a great deal of imagery for the reader and if you think about it, you can tell exactly what the metaphor is. Lemme know what ya think

Originally posted on Friday, January 5, 2007 ...

Lately life, for me, has presented itself in the form of a baseball game with me at bat. At first, I was being thrown extreme fastballs ...

**The first one came so quickly that I was blindsighted and ended up smacked in the face with the ball. *BALL 1!* I consider it to be an oversight ... I wasn't paying attention and I got hit ... no biggie ... I don't wanna walk.
**Then, even though I knew the happenings of the previous pitch, it happens again. This one didn't hurt as bad because it went right inside and just skimmed my arm. *BALL 2!* I mean, why on Earth would you think they would throw the same pitch again? It's OK ... I'll be better next time ... right??
**The next pitch ... I see it coming ... it looks like it's gonna be a piece of cake ... I've got my eye on the ball ... with a hope that I can knock it out of the park ... then it curves ... a swing and a miss. **STRIKE 1!** It's OK ... that's only one strike ... I can get it back ... but where did I go wrong with that one? Of course I'm thinking it's my fault instead of the slick pitching. Hindsight lets me know that I should have let it go and I would still be alive with another ball. Ah well.
**The next pitch ... fast ball ... I see it coming ... I swing hard ... IT'S A HIT! ... shit! ... **FOUL BALL!** It went back over my head and into the stands. I knew I had that one! How did I tip it and foul? Perhaps I over thought it. Now I'm feeling the pressure and think I should have just taken the walk when he hit me the first time. I wouldn't even have known about all that he's thrown at me since. Ah well ... too late to think that now ...
**The pitch ... straight down the line ... I swing ... **STRIKE 2** What an idiot I am ... my eyes are playing tricks on me ... something told me it was time to swing ... yet the ball has reached only the three-quarters point from the pitcher's mound to home plate. Was it my eyes? Or an intuition that I needed to swing hard and I swung before he could hit me with it again? Or was he actually "giving me one" ... a pitch that was perfect for me to knock it out of the park, yet I was thinking too hard about the previous garbage he threw? Or is it possible he knew my guard would be high and wanted to get something bad by me - basically playing on my weaknesses? After all ... this IS a game about winning ... right? I step away from the plate and take a few practice swings. Basically to try and calm myself. Now that I'm calm ... kinda ...
**The pitch ... **BALL 3!** high and outside. More time to breathe. Is he trying to help me regain my cool? Or is he trying to play me so that I'm more reserved when he throws a whopper at me?
**The pitch ...everything is in slow motion ... yet my mind is moving a mile a minute ... swing? hold fast? swing? hold fast? WHAT DO I DO?!?!?

I close my eyes and say a little prayer ... I think about that last pitch in real time ... the ball is coming FAST ... I'm frozen. I can't even blink an eye ... just before I feel as though I can move ... I feel as though a semi just attempted to drive through my side. I double over in pain. It's so bad that I collapse to the ground and can't even take the base. I'm rushed to the hospital.

My eyes open abruptly ... still slow motion ... I now take a look at 3rd base ... it's the pitcher!!! I blink my eyes and look to second ... The pitcher!!! He's on first base as well. The bases are loaded with the pitcher!! What does this MEAN? Does this mean it's a win/win or that the game is not about winning in the first place? Am I thinking too much about this whole thing and I'll be OK if I just "have fun" as they say? Do I need to just let go and allow the chips to fall where they may? My fears continue to overwhelm me ... yes, he could only have been trying to get my attention with the first few pitches and then let up so I could just know he was there. However, that first pitch hit me ... and it HURT! What if my vision was true? *I close my eyes* What if I DO get hit like that again? ... what if I'm unable to recover? How do I know this is worth the risk? I love this game. I'm reminded of a song - Sisqo and Lovher "Is love enough?"

Opening my eyes is like instant replay ... only it's now in real time ...

**The pitch ... swing? hold fast? swing? hold fast? WHAT DO I DO?!?!?

California, can you hear me??

So I know that this happened some time ago and it's obsolete as far as it's request, but I felt it necessary to post it here. As I re-read it, I immediately think to the way I express myself and how it can sometimes be perceived. I usually try and take an outside opinion when I read my work, but it can sometimes be difficult. With this post, it wasn't all that difficult, I mean, it's something that happened some 8 months ago. How fitting that I post it now ... 8 months after and it's regarding Proposition 8. OK, maybe that isn't really that exciting, but so what, humor me! The more I think about this subject, I get a wave of mixed emotions and can't really decide where I lie along the spectrum of people and their thoughts on the issue. Nonetheless, here is what I thought as of November 3, 2008. Some of my thoughts are the same and some might have changed. I can't speak to which.

Despite the fact that it was done some 8 months ago, I would still love to hear your thoughts on my opinions as well as the issue as a whole. Here are a few of my words - a relatively short post, don't you think? LoL

Originally titled California ~ November 4, 2008...

While the historic ramifications of the presidential election are quite paramount, it is also necessary to pay attention to history-making votes on other platforms as well.  Tomorrow will bring about the vote on California's "Proposition 8"  - I do know that there is also "Proposition 4" as well but for the sake of time, I won't discuss that here.

Because I live in Illinois, many question why I worry so much about this ... many also question why I am more focused on the outcome of California's local (state) politics than that of the national presidential election.  The truth of the matter is that we get away from all the real things necessary to be spoken of when it comes to election time.  How many of us are actually focusing on the issues within this general election and what each candidate stands for??  I suppose my mind has been made up for some time regarding for whom I shall cast my ballot tomorrow.  The decision for whom I want to represent me in running my country the way I see fit is already done. But because I am unable to participate in something that still means so much to me and where the ramifications are so outstretched, my greater concern lies there.  I am more focused on the outcome of this vote than which man will stand to be inaugurated in January.

I am unable to tell you how you should vote tomorrow - it just isn't my style to beat you over the head with anything and tell you what you NEED to do.  But I would greatly appreciate a serious thought process regarding what is really at stake regarding "Prop 8" with/without your vote on this issue.  If you haven't really thought much about all that is included in this "discussion" please do some research before it is too late to let your voice be heard.  If this isn't something you feel is right (on either side of the issue) - vote!  Vote from your heart.  But I would hope that you are listening to all sides and not just making a decision based on what you have been told - or what you've been conditioned to believe.  Please look within yourself and find out what is necessary to make the RIGHT decision.

The world is watching ...

Simply...VWayne

PS - here is a vid to give you the side of those who live with the wanting of equality (as the constitution currently states we should all have).  I hope I am not being too biased with this posting because I would really hope you are looking at this situation with eyes wide open ... but this video is based on my own feelings regarding the situation.

I hope you will respond to this blog whether you live in CA or anywhere else - I'd love to hear your thoughts ...

See you all at the polls






03 July 2009

Message From a Jackass/Enjoy Life & Stay Happy

Hey there fun fans ...

So I was just going through my old emails and came across one particular forward *I despise forwards* that I actually kept. It had a message that I truly enjoyed and so I am going to share it with you now ...

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL:
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less from people but more from God.

I just thought I'd share that with you all ... I love this message and felt it necessary to provide it for your all's enjoyment as well.

Enjoy Life & Stay Happy

17 June 2009

All black men look alike ... right?

I had no intention of posting another blog until I got home tonight, but apparently there is an abundance of material today at the gig.

I was chatting with a co-worker as she prepared to leave for the day and one of the cleaning crew came in to the break room where we were. I was standing at the microwave, heating up some free pizza bought by one of our vendors *yes, I'm a fat ass - I had eaten before going to the dentist*, and my co-worker walked away. I'm usually quite cordial with the cleaning crew and so I was preparing to speak to her when ...

"Davi-"

"Huh?"

"Oh, I thought you were David"

*SERIOUSLY?!?!?!*

"Oh *forced chuckle* nope, not David"

"You look ... like kind of. *she's a foreigner - so not PC, I know* Me thought you David." *playful giggle*

Of course, based on the title of this post, you can tell that David is also a black man. He might be ABOUT the same height (he's a couple inches shorter than I am) and color as I am and maybe the same size - he's skinny and I give "skinny" - haha! Well, he's a daytime janitor (perhaps "maintenance professional" is a more befitting descriptor) here. I don't say that to be some sort of elitist or to make some sort of classist *is that a word?* statement, but he is and I am not. My job is definitely not that glamorous and doesn't come with a whole helluva lot of perks - hell, he could - quite possibly - make more money than me (I think he's been here for a few years). I more want to point out that I work in an office at a computer and he takes care of the many things around the building. Furthermore, he wears a uniform, dark blue Dickies-esque top with the company logo emblazoned on it, dark blue Dickies-esque pants, and black tennis shoes or boots. I, on the other hand, dress quite nicely - not to put him down, I've seen him out on his birthday and he is a nice dresser as well, but follow me here. Today's attire includes a nice blue collared button-up shirt, red tie, with a vest - black and white (make gray *teehee*) with blue and red stitching, black slacks and nice pointier-toed loafers.

CLEARLY we don't look alike? Or do we?

Do all blacks look alike? I know I've heard others say this on television as a means of derogatory or ignorant classification but where does it truly come from? It's quite obvious that they(we) do not, but why would they think so? Am I reading too far into this? I hope I'm not. I would also like to point out that I am not intending to sound offended with David. I guess I'm seriously curious about this. Is it seriously based on skin color? I mean, it's clear there are so very many different shades of chocolate - perhaps even a spectrum not unlike the rainbow itself. I mean, if you were to go to Home Depot or Lowe's, they would show you two strips and you'd say all brown and they would say "No" because they color wheel is so infinite.

I'm starting to ramble again and believe I forgot where I was initially going.

I'm done ... for now.

Randomonium 102


Why am I such a weirdo? *don't answer that*

Picture it: I'm walking down the street, minding my own *and sometimes others' - I'm not above admitting it* business when one or more joggers approach me. I check 'em out - no not in that way - but I want to see if I can tell if the jog is more business or pleasure, and also what they are wearing *why? I don't know!* and accesssories and such. Anyway ... I take mental note of their appearance as they approach. OK now the strange part ...

As they pass, I find myself taking a big whiff. *CUH-RAZY, right?* I love smelling runners because it's always a surprise that they aren't musty or smell like sweat and stuff. *sigh* I know, I know, strange! But I have never smelled a jogger that didn't smell good. I think the first time it happened was merely by accident: I was probably on the cell or something when someone wizzed by me and when their smell caught up *you know how they are usually running faster than their lingering scent?* A question mark formed on my face and I said "wow, that's interesting." I likely forgot what I was talking about ... I have sporadic ADD and sometimes ADHD. Sorry to whomever I was talking to. *smile*


*sigh*

That is all

13 June 2009

Information SuperHighway

Sorry ... but this is likely to be a rather lengthy post. So I'm telling you up front ... if you don't want to sit through it, get away now. Although I would love to get your opinion on it.

So, while browsing old postings I've made on other sites, I came across a piece that I thought still posed valid questions ... a little back story ... I was dating this guy, John. Now many have asked me why I dated John and I ask myself the same thing nowadays. Of course, while we were together, I really noticed how much I did enjoy his company and, despite the myriad of flaws he presented, was still willing to work through the relationship. I have yet to decide whether or not my wanting to make it work was to prove a point about male/male relationships - and relationships in general in this day and age - or whether I really did enjoy being with him that much. Nonetheless, John and I had a discussion toward the beginning of our relationship regarding websites such as BGC, T4S, M4N, A4A, and the like. Basically the conversation regarded the place we both felt these sites had when one was in, or trying to be, in a relationship - and also why people get onto the sites period. We basically came to the compromise that if/when we got together, the sites would cease ... I mean, he, after all, felt like the sites were only good for a means of finding an instant sexual partner and the like. I don't even need to point out that I caught John on these sites on multiple occasions "just talking to his friends in the chat room" and one day - Thanksgiving 2006 - he even had the nerve to be caught with his pants down in front of the screen and the webcam was at waist level!

I know, right?

Anyway ... here is a bit of my reaction - AFTER having another conversation about the internet:

Originally posted November 28, 2006:
Recently I had a conversation and the internet was brought up. The statement made was that it was originally considered to be the information superhighway and it's now the porn/sex superhighway. The internet was once used for the purpose of being able to find information on anything and everything you might want to see or know about. Apparently those gears have shifted and the focus of a great deal of internet usage seems to be in search of something pornographic or for some sort of sexual gratification. Where did we, as a people, go wrong?

This seems to be an increasing phenomenon, in this day and age - especially in the sector of the world housing homosexual males. I may be shunned by some for furthering this, but I feel it needs to be said. The general public has already placed a certain label on gays ~ that we are sex-crazed or don't want relationships, only sex, or we'd have meaningless sex with just about anyone. I used to defend this as though it was my honor ... "We are NOT! ... We do NOT do that! ... we are NOT that way!" However, over time, I've been beaten to a pulp. I have been defending a group of people that seem to be content (quite obviously) with such a label. We find a constant myriad of examples, on a daily basis, to confirm their theories of us. There are so many ways to describe just how I have come to the conclusion that I'm fighting a battle I just can't win. I only want to touch on one ~ their theory is perpetuated by a consistent addiction to the internet with its sexual chat rooms, live porn streams, easy access to downloading pornography (without the embarassment of having to go into a video store - where you had to before), and live webcam shows.

What is it that makes a man want to log on to the computer to have sexual conversations with others or to view them on webcam when he can do these same things with his partner? What makes him not want to stop going into a chatroom that's on a site with the NAME "for sex" in the title, knowing that it bothers his partner? What makes him unable to tear himself away from a computer screen when he, himself, has admitted his belief (and stated emphatically) that sites such as these only perpetuate the stereotype of infidelity and the easy access to faceless sexual encounters? Is there some sort of addiction here? What causes it? What feeds it? How does it begin? What makes one 'addicted' to the internet?

A part of me feels as though I should already have answers to these questions, as I used to be the type to be on the internet all the time. Only thing is that my internet experiences were usually filled with browsing the lands of nothingness to help pass away boring time, while living in a new area where I knew no one. I would get on more than what some might call religiously. Whenever I wasn't asleep or at work or in a car, I was on the internet. Is that an addiction? If so, why was it so easy for me to stop it all for the man I believed (and still believe) to be one of the better things going on in my life? Why did I do it? For him? For me? For US? If I could do it, then why couldn't he follow suit? Better question is why would he say he would get off these sites, then go right back to them under the cloak of darkness? Does this not constitute a lie - further compounding the problems in the relationship? What would be the reason to hide the things that you do? Why not just say that you don't want to get off the sites? It would be much easier to keep the trust and respect that you had in the beginning.

So many unanswered questions here. I view this as a serious issue. Just as with any addiction, there has to be some sort of help available. I suppose the first thing is that you have to want assistance with it. But that can't happen if you don't first view it as a problem, huh? I'm sure, as with any addiction, there is a great deal of difficulty. But how do you cope with it? How does the PARTNER cope with it? Perhaps a better question and probably more specific to this particular circumstance ... How does one compete?

Despite the fact that this relationship has since dissolved and I have now moved on and am happier than ever - not having to deal with problems such as this, I still find it to be a relevant situation, some 2 years later. I have another friend going through the same sort of situation ... what are your thoughts?

More ... more ... more!

So I'm wondering what I could do in order to get my followers list up? Hmmmm ... I'm questioning whether or not anyone who's currently following me even knows that there are posts other than my first one? Hmmmmm ... is there a way that you get an email every time someone you're following puts up a new post?

Can you tell I have nothing to write?

I know ...

12 June 2009

Yo, Yo, Yoberri Yo!


I had been hearing pretty good things about the phenomenon that is frozen yogurt (or froyo, as it's more fondly called) and the sudden influx of stores popping up in and around Chicago. These frozen yogurt chains, with the likes of Pinkberry, Berry Chill, Starfruit, Red Mango, and - as I recently experienced - Lakeview's Yoberri *to name a few* have become the talk of the town *in certain circles.* There was a big craze regarding this froyo "stuff" way back when with the TCBY stores. I believe there were many questions as to the validity of whether or not their items were, in fact, frozen yogurt. Well, I had been meaning to check out Yoberri for quite some time. After hearing so much about it and noticing that it isn't very far down the street from my apartment, I just knew that I would check it out quickly. Well, procrastination prevented that from happening.

That is, until one of my co-workers happened to drive to work (he had his girlfriend's truck and would be going more than half my commute). It just so happened that he was going to Halsted/Diversey - the same intersection where Yoberri is located. I'm not sure how long they have actually occupied the space, but the location is very no-nonsense. There aren't any frills or anything with or about the space. There are a few tables inside - they look more like glass paned wooden display cases on top of stands - only they weren't filled with anything. It's more of a quaint feel.

On to the yogurt ...

Well, I err, uh ... it was umm ... eh ...

There is only a vanilla yogurt, and you choose from an assortment of toppings. I had raspberries, coconut and chocolate chips. I have to say, the toppings were better than the yogurt for me. I'm sorry, well - not really, but it just wasn't all that to me. Perhaps the up-play I received from everyone else caused a great deal of expectation, but it was just OK. Maybe I will check out Berry Chill, it seems to get better praise, or one of the others. We shall see.

Have you had it? Do you agree with my assessment? Have you tried another?

11 June 2009

Randomonium 101

Hey there fun fans ...


From time to time I will log on just to give you a piece of random information about me. Funny thing: these facts might be more telling of me than any profile I could ever have done - note to the right I haven't even completed the "about me" section. *giggle*

As a kid, I LOVED applesauce! I loved it SOOOO much that I now picture myself *because I can't remember if it truly happened* begging my mom to buy it - kinda like some kids beg their parents to buy toys. I would sometimes add cinnamon and sugar *assuming it wasn't already cinnamon flavored* and likely finish the whole glass jar in one sitting. Thank goodness they were less than a dollar back then - Rochelle would murther me! I would get sad when it was gone, usually letting out an audible "sigh" denoting my new state of my depression.

This lesson of Randomonium brought to you by yesterday's cup of applesauce - the first in years ... also brought to you by the "awwww" heard when it was gone 5.829 seconds after being opened ... *sigh*

09 June 2009

Starting Out/What's in a name?

Hey there fun fans ...

So this is my first blog here @ B-ond the Veil. I will start this out by saying that I am not exactly sure where I am going with this blog. I just know that I have wanted to do it for some time and have found one reason or another to avoid it altogether. At times I have allowed some other project to steal away the opportunity and others I have just procrastinated altogether. For some time I was thinking the name should be "A Dream Deferred" ... it almost was. Oh well. So, I suppose this will just be a forum of sorts. Sometimes I will just rant and/or rave about something that's going on in my life, at other times I will likely seek out your opinions on different things going on in my life or just floating around the confines of my scull; perhaps I'll throw in bits and pieces of current events. Mostly I am writing as a means of therapy - if not for myself, for you, the reader. I know that there have been many works I've read where someone else has just been "getting it all out" and it's helped me in many, many ways.

I have been reading the blog of a new "friend" of mine and I must admit, I can't get enough of his writing. I have told him that I find his 'work' to be comparable to the read of an E.Lynn Harris piece. He can take that as a compliment, blush, or even disagree if he'd like, but he definitely tells a great story. *you should definitely check him out* So, a part of my current reasoning for finally taking finger to key on this project comes from his influence and inspiration. I don't know that my blog will be as entertaining as his but I do hope you come back from time to time to check me out. I have asked around to a few people if they thought my starting a blog would be a good idea and many of them have said yes - stating my twitter posts typically keep them entertained, so delving more into my thoughts might be a good idea.

So, like I said, I didn't really know what I would call this or what it would really be about - what direction I would take it. I do know that I'll include the works of old, at least to get me started. If there are certain topics you might like for me to write about, by all means, let me know, if it tickles my fancy, I'll put my thoughts out there. But mostly, it's just about me and what I am thinking, was thinking, have thought, etc.

So let's jump right in to why I chose my blog's title. I decided to call it Beyond the Veil due to a thought I had on my way to NY for my birthday *more information on this at another time.* For those of you that know me, you know that I very seldom ride coach on the plane - not because I paid more for my seat, but simply because I asked to move up. I would say about 75% of my flights have been in the comfort of a first/business class seat. My aunt told me that you should always go to the airport dressed nicely *even nice casual* because all you have to do is ask if there is room in first-class. I guess airlines would rather the first-class section be filled and so they will give you the upgrade for free if the seat is available. Anyway, I digress, there weren't any seats available for first-class on this flight and so I had my pre-picked *thanks babe* window-seat in coach. No big deal.

Well, after we took off and reached our flying altitude, the flight attendants do their thing with the beverage/snack cart(s). Well, as typical in this situation, the flight attendant attending to the first-class passengers came to draw the partition signifying a separation between the "classes." I don't know if I have just never noticed, but this one happened to be sheer - like that of a veil. I found myself questioning if this was the way that our society does things in other industries. Do we leave the door cracked just so much that those without can see a glimmer of the nicer things in life? Do we always give that "close enough to touch but just out of reach" outlook on the better things? Where do we see this in other areas and why is it done? I found myself thinking about this for some time and realized it was definitely worth the thought I had given it and lead to many subsequent questions. The idea also leant itself to the look I am giving you - a glimpse into my soul, so to speak. How will you see me? What will you think of me once you hear it?

I will try to be very forthcoming with my postings and hope that you will bear with me as the information I feel I might give *should I be as honest as I plan* will be very personal. I have made the decision to change the names of my friends, unless I have previously asked their permission to utilize their real names. Although I won't go out of my way to talk about others, it is, at times, necessary and relevant to give the full scope of what I feel.

Because I feel I have rambled on and on enough *I tend to do that - smile* I will end this here. I guess you never know how much information you're gonna give until it's all out there. Oh well. I hope you enjoy what I have to give. I look forward to your feedback, thoughts, comments, etc, both good and bad. *did I just say that?*

Here's my life ... Beyond the Veil ...