Bases Loaded ... ??? aka WHAT THE ... ?

Let me start this post by saying that you just might need to read it more than once. - I just did.

OK - a little exposition: When I just read this I finished in somewhat of a dumbfounded state. I was trying to figure out what I was thinking when I originally wrote this - moreso (is that supposed to be one word or two? hmmm), I was trying to place a rationale on it without actually finishing the piece and trying to figure out what I was thinking afterward - you know, look at the piece as a whole? Well ... I won't tell you what I figured out ... I'll just let you take it the way you want to ... maybe you will be able to figure it out based on previous posts, maybe you won't figure it out until later, maybe you never will figure it out at all. Either way, there is a great deal of imagery for the reader and if you think about it, you can tell exactly what the metaphor is. Lemme know what ya think

Originally posted on Friday, January 5, 2007 ...

Lately life, for me, has presented itself in the form of a baseball game with me at bat. At first, I was being thrown extreme fastballs ...

**The first one came so quickly that I was blindsighted and ended up smacked in the face with the ball. *BALL 1!* I consider it to be an oversight ... I wasn't paying attention and I got hit ... no biggie ... I don't wanna walk.
**Then, even though I knew the happenings of the previous pitch, it happens again. This one didn't hurt as bad because it went right inside and just skimmed my arm. *BALL 2!* I mean, why on Earth would you think they would throw the same pitch again? It's OK ... I'll be better next time ... right??
**The next pitch ... I see it coming ... it looks like it's gonna be a piece of cake ... I've got my eye on the ball ... with a hope that I can knock it out of the park ... then it curves ... a swing and a miss. **STRIKE 1!** It's OK ... that's only one strike ... I can get it back ... but where did I go wrong with that one? Of course I'm thinking it's my fault instead of the slick pitching. Hindsight lets me know that I should have let it go and I would still be alive with another ball. Ah well.
**The next pitch ... fast ball ... I see it coming ... I swing hard ... IT'S A HIT! ... shit! ... **FOUL BALL!** It went back over my head and into the stands. I knew I had that one! How did I tip it and foul? Perhaps I over thought it. Now I'm feeling the pressure and think I should have just taken the walk when he hit me the first time. I wouldn't even have known about all that he's thrown at me since. Ah well ... too late to think that now ...
**The pitch ... straight down the line ... I swing ... **STRIKE 2** What an idiot I am ... my eyes are playing tricks on me ... something told me it was time to swing ... yet the ball has reached only the three-quarters point from the pitcher's mound to home plate. Was it my eyes? Or an intuition that I needed to swing hard and I swung before he could hit me with it again? Or was he actually "giving me one" ... a pitch that was perfect for me to knock it out of the park, yet I was thinking too hard about the previous garbage he threw? Or is it possible he knew my guard would be high and wanted to get something bad by me - basically playing on my weaknesses? After all ... this IS a game about winning ... right? I step away from the plate and take a few practice swings. Basically to try and calm myself. Now that I'm calm ... kinda ...
**The pitch ... **BALL 3!** high and outside. More time to breathe. Is he trying to help me regain my cool? Or is he trying to play me so that I'm more reserved when he throws a whopper at me?
**The pitch ...everything is in slow motion ... yet my mind is moving a mile a minute ... swing? hold fast? swing? hold fast? WHAT DO I DO?!?!?

I close my eyes and say a little prayer ... I think about that last pitch in real time ... the ball is coming FAST ... I'm frozen. I can't even blink an eye ... just before I feel as though I can move ... I feel as though a semi just attempted to drive through my side. I double over in pain. It's so bad that I collapse to the ground and can't even take the base. I'm rushed to the hospital.

My eyes open abruptly ... still slow motion ... I now take a look at 3rd base ... it's the pitcher!!! I blink my eyes and look to second ... The pitcher!!! He's on first base as well. The bases are loaded with the pitcher!! What does this MEAN? Does this mean it's a win/win or that the game is not about winning in the first place? Am I thinking too much about this whole thing and I'll be OK if I just "have fun" as they say? Do I need to just let go and allow the chips to fall where they may? My fears continue to overwhelm me ... yes, he could only have been trying to get my attention with the first few pitches and then let up so I could just know he was there. However, that first pitch hit me ... and it HURT! What if my vision was true? *I close my eyes* What if I DO get hit like that again? ... what if I'm unable to recover? How do I know this is worth the risk? I love this game. I'm reminded of a song - Sisqo and Lovher "Is love enough?"

Opening my eyes is like instant replay ... only it's now in real time ...

**The pitch ... swing? hold fast? swing? hold fast? WHAT DO I DO?!?!?