All black men look alike ... right?

I had no intention of posting another blog until I got home tonight, but apparently there is an abundance of material today at the gig.

I was chatting with a co-worker as she prepared to leave for the day and one of the cleaning crew came in to the break room where we were. I was standing at the microwave, heating up some free pizza bought by one of our vendors *yes, I'm a fat ass - I had eaten before going to the dentist*, and my co-worker walked away. I'm usually quite cordial with the cleaning crew and so I was preparing to speak to her when ...

"Davi-"

"Huh?"

"Oh, I thought you were David"

*SERIOUSLY?!?!?!*

"Oh *forced chuckle* nope, not David"

"You look ... like kind of. *she's a foreigner - so not PC, I know* Me thought you David." *playful giggle*

Of course, based on the title of this post, you can tell that David is also a black man. He might be ABOUT the same height (he's a couple inches shorter than I am) and color as I am and maybe the same size - he's skinny and I give "skinny" - haha! Well, he's a daytime janitor (perhaps "maintenance professional" is a more befitting descriptor) here. I don't say that to be some sort of elitist or to make some sort of classist *is that a word?* statement, but he is and I am not. My job is definitely not that glamorous and doesn't come with a whole helluva lot of perks - hell, he could - quite possibly - make more money than me (I think he's been here for a few years). I more want to point out that I work in an office at a computer and he takes care of the many things around the building. Furthermore, he wears a uniform, dark blue Dickies-esque top with the company logo emblazoned on it, dark blue Dickies-esque pants, and black tennis shoes or boots. I, on the other hand, dress quite nicely - not to put him down, I've seen him out on his birthday and he is a nice dresser as well, but follow me here. Today's attire includes a nice blue collared button-up shirt, red tie, with a vest - black and white (make gray *teehee*) with blue and red stitching, black slacks and nice pointier-toed loafers.

CLEARLY we don't look alike? Or do we?

Do all blacks look alike? I know I've heard others say this on television as a means of derogatory or ignorant classification but where does it truly come from? It's quite obvious that they(we) do not, but why would they think so? Am I reading too far into this? I hope I'm not. I would also like to point out that I am not intending to sound offended with David. I guess I'm seriously curious about this. Is it seriously based on skin color? I mean, it's clear there are so very many different shades of chocolate - perhaps even a spectrum not unlike the rainbow itself. I mean, if you were to go to Home Depot or Lowe's, they would show you two strips and you'd say all brown and they would say "No" because they color wheel is so infinite.

I'm starting to ramble again and believe I forgot where I was initially going.

I'm done ... for now.

Randomonium 102

Why am I such a weirdo? *don't answer that*

Picture it: I'm walking down the street, minding my own *and sometimes others' - I'm not above admitting it* business when one or more joggers approach me. I check 'em out - no not in that way - but I want to see if I can tell if the jog is more business or pleasure, and also what they are wearing *why? I don't know!* and accesssories and such. Anyway ... I take mental note of their appearance as they approach. OK now the strange part ...

As they pass, I find myself taking a big whiff. *CUH-RAZY, right?* I love smelling runners because it's always a surprise that they aren't musty or smell like sweat and stuff. *sigh* I know, I know, strange! But I have never smelled a jogger that didn't smell good. I think the first time it happened was merely by accident: I was probably on the cell or something when someone wizzed by me and when their smell caught up *you know how they are usually running faster than their lingering scent?* A question mark formed on my face and I said "wow, that's interesting." I likely forgot what I was talking about ... I have sporadic ADD and sometimes ADHD. Sorry to whomever I was talking to. *smile*


*sigh*

That is all

Information SuperHighway

Sorry ... but this is likely to be a rather lengthy post. So I'm telling you up front ... if you don't want to sit through it, get away now. Although I would love to get your opinion on it.

So, while browsing old postings I've made on other sites, I came across a piece that I thought still posed valid questions ... a little back story ... I was dating this guy, John. Now many have asked me why I dated John and I ask myself the same thing nowadays. Of course, while we were together, I really noticed how much I did enjoy his company and, despite the myriad of flaws he presented, was still willing to work through the relationship. I have yet to decide whether or not my wanting to make it work was to prove a point about male/male relationships - and relationships in general in this day and age - or whether I really did enjoy being with him that much. Nonetheless, John and I had a discussion toward the beginning of our relationship regarding websites such as BGC, T4S, M4N, A4A, and the like. Basically the conversation regarded the place we both felt these sites had when one was in, or trying to be, in a relationship - and also why people get onto the sites period. We basically came to the compromise that if/when we got together, the sites would cease ... I mean, he, after all, felt like the sites were only good for a means of finding an instant sexual partner and the like. I don't even need to point out that I caught John on these sites on multiple occasions "just talking to his friends in the chat room" and one day - Thanksgiving 2006 - he even had the nerve to be caught with his pants down in front of the screen and the webcam was at waist level!

I know, right?

Anyway ... here is a bit of my reaction - AFTER having another conversation about the internet:

Originally posted November 28, 2006:

Recently I had a conversation and the internet was brought up. The statement made was that it was originally considered to be the information superhighway and it's now the porn/sex superhighway. The internet was once used for the purpose of being able to find information on anything and everything you might want to see or know about. Apparently those gears have shifted and the focus of a great deal of internet usage seems to be in search of something pornographic or for some sort of sexual gratification. Where did we, as a people, go wrong?

This seems to be an increasing phenomenon, in this day and age - especially in the sector of the world housing homosexual males. I may be shunned by some for furthering this, but I feel it needs to be said. The general public has already placed a certain label on gays ~ that we are sex-crazed or don't want relationships, only sex, or we'd have meaningless sex with just about anyone. I used to defend this as though it was my honor ... "We are NOT! ... We do NOT do that! ... we are NOT that way!" However, over time, I've been beaten to a pulp. I have been defending a group of people that seem to be content (quite obviously) with such a label. We find a constant myriad of examples, on a daily basis, to confirm their theories of us. There are so many ways to describe just how I have come to the conclusion that I'm fighting a battle I just can't win. I only want to touch on one ~ their theory is perpetuated by a consistent addiction to the internet with its sexual chat rooms, live porn streams, easy access to downloading pornography (without the embarassment of having to go into a video store - where you had to before), and live webcam shows.

What is it that makes a man want to log on to the computer to have sexual conversations with others or to view them on webcam when he can do these same things with his partner? What makes him not want to stop going into a chatroom that's on a site with the NAME "for sex" in the title, knowing that it bothers his partner? What makes him unable to tear himself away from a computer screen when he, himself, has admitted his belief (and stated emphatically) that sites such as these only perpetuate the stereotype of infidelity and the easy access to faceless sexual encounters? Is there some sort of addiction here? What causes it? What feeds it? How does it begin? What makes one 'addicted' to the internet?

A part of me feels as though I should already have answers to these questions, as I used to be the type to be on the internet all the time. Only thing is that my internet experiences were usually filled with browsing the lands of nothingness to help pass away boring time, while living in a new area where I knew no one. I would get on more than what some might call religiously. Whenever I wasn't asleep or at work or in a car, I was on the internet. Is that an addiction? If so, why was it so easy for me to stop it all for the man I believed (and still believe) to be one of the better things going on in my life? Why did I do it? For him? For me? For US? If I could do it, then why couldn't he follow suit? Better question is why would he say he would get off these sites, then go right back to them under the cloak of darkness? Does this not constitute a lie - further compounding the problems in the relationship? What would be the reason to hide the things that you do? Why not just say that you don't want to get off the sites? It would be much easier to keep the trust and respect that you had in the beginning.

So many unanswered questions here. I view this as a serious issue. Just as with any addiction, there has to be some sort of help available. I suppose the first thing is that you have to want assistance with it. But that can't happen if you don't first view it as a problem, huh? I'm sure, as with any addiction, there is a great deal of difficulty. But how do you cope with it? How does the PARTNER cope with it? Perhaps a better question and probably more specific to this particular circumstance ... How does one compete?

Despite the fact that this relationship has since dissolved and I have now moved on and am happier than ever - not having to deal with problems such as this, I still find it to be a relevant situation, some 2 years later. I have another friend going through the same sort of situation ... what are your thoughts?

More ... more ... more!

So I'm wondering what I could do in order to get my followers list up? Hmmmm ... I'm questioning whether or not anyone who's currently following me even knows that there are posts other than my first one? Hmmmmm ... is there a way that you get an email every time someone you're following puts up a new post?

Can you tell I have nothing to write?

I know ...

Yo, Yo, Yoberri Yo!

I had been hearing pretty good things about the phenomenon that is frozen yogurt (or froyo, as it's more fondly called) and the sudden influx of stores popping up in and around Chicago. These frozen yogurt chains, with the likes of Pinkberry, Berry Chill, Starfruit, Red Mango, and - as I recently experienced - Lakeview's Yoberri *to name a few* have become the talk of the town *in certain circles.* There was a big craze regarding this froyo "stuff" way back when with the TCBY stores. I believe there were many questions as to the validity of whether or not their items were, in fact, frozen yogurt. Well, I had been meaning to check out Yoberri for quite some time. After hearing so much about it and noticing that it isn't very far down the street from my apartment, I just knew that I would check it out quickly. Well, procrastination prevented that from happening.

That is, until one of my co-workers happened to drive to work (he had his girlfriend's truck and would be going more than half my commute). It just so happened that he was going to Halsted/Diversey - the same intersection where Yoberri is located. I'm not sure how long they have actually occupied the space, but the location is very no-nonsense. There aren't any frills or anything with or about the space. There are a few tables inside - they look more like glass paned wooden display cases on top of stands - only they weren't filled with anything. It's more of a quaint feel.

On to the yogurt ...

Well, I err, uh ... it was umm ... eh ...

There is only a vanilla yogurt, and you choose from an assortment of toppings. I had raspberries, coconut and chocolate chips. I have to say, the toppings were better than the yogurt for me. I'm sorry, well - not really, but it just wasn't all that to me. Perhaps the up-play I received from everyone else caused a great deal of expectation, but it was just OK. Maybe I will check out Berry Chill, it seems to get better praise, or one of the others. We shall see.

Have you had it? Do you agree with my assessment? Have you tried another?

Randomonium 101

Hey there fun fans ...

From time to time I will log on just to give you a piece of random information about me. Funny thing: these facts might be more telling of me than any profile I could ever have done - note to the right I haven't even completed the "about me" section. *giggle*

As a kid, I LOVED applesauce! I loved it SOOOO much that I now picture myself *because I can't remember if it truly happened* begging my mom to buy it - kinda like some kids beg their parents to buy toys. I would sometimes add cinnamon and sugar *assuming it wasn't already cinnamon flavored* and likely finish the whole glass jar in one sitting. Thank goodness they were less than a dollar back then - Rochelle would murther me! I would get sad when it was gone, usually letting out an audible "sigh" denoting my new state of my depression.

This lesson of Randomonium brought to you by yesterday's cup of applesauce - the first in years ... also brought to you by the "awwww" heard when it was gone 5.829 seconds after being opened ... *sigh*

Starting Out/What's in a name?

Hey there fun fans ...

So this is my first blog here @ B-ond the Veil. I will start this out by saying that I am not exactly sure where I am going with this blog. I just know that I have wanted to do it for some time and have found one reason or another to avoid it altogether. At times I have allowed some other project to steal away the opportunity and others I have just procrastinated altogether. For some time I was thinking the name should be "A Dream Deferred" ... it almost was. Oh well. So, I suppose this will just be a forum of sorts. Sometimes I will just rant and/or rave about something that's going on in my life, at other times I will likely seek out your opinions on different things going on in my life or just floating around the confines of my scull; perhaps I'll throw in bits and pieces of current events. Mostly I am writing as a means of therapy - if not for myself, for you, the reader. I know that there have been many works I've read where someone else has just been "getting it all out" and it's helped me in many, many ways.

I have been reading the blog of a new "friend" of mine and I must admit, I can't get enough of his writing. I have told him that I find his 'work' to be comparable to the read of an E.Lynn Harris piece. He can take that as a compliment, blush, or even disagree if he'd like, but he definitely tells a great story. *you should definitely check him out* So, a part of my current reasoning for finally taking finger to key on this project comes from his influence and inspiration. I don't know that my blog will be as entertaining as his but I do hope you come back from time to time to check me out. I have asked around to a few people if they thought my starting a blog would be a good idea and many of them have said yes - stating my twitter posts typically keep them entertained, so delving more into my thoughts might be a good idea.

So, like I said, I didn't really know what I would call this or what it would really be about - what direction I would take it. I do know that I'll include the works of old, at least to get me started. If there are certain topics you might like for me to write about, by all means, let me know, if it tickles my fancy, I'll put my thoughts out there. But mostly, it's just about me and what I am thinking, was thinking, have thought, etc.

So let's jump right in to why I chose my blog's title. I decided to call it Beyond the Veil due to a thought I had on my way to NY for my birthday *more information on this at another time.* For those of you that know me, you know that I very seldom ride coach on the plane - not because I paid more for my seat, but simply because I asked to move up. I would say about 75% of my flights have been in the comfort of a first/business class seat. My aunt told me that you should always go to the airport dressed nicely *even nice casual* because all you have to do is ask if there is room in first-class. I guess airlines would rather the first-class section be filled and so they will give you the upgrade for free if the seat is available. Anyway, I digress, there weren't any seats available for first-class on this flight and so I had my pre-picked *thanks babe* window-seat in coach. No big deal.

Well, after we took off and reached our flying altitude, the flight attendants do their thing with the beverage/snack cart(s). Well, as typical in this situation, the flight attendant attending to the first-class passengers came to draw the partition signifying a separation between the "classes." I don't know if I have just never noticed, but this one happened to be sheer - like that of a veil. I found myself questioning if this was the way that our society does things in other industries. Do we leave the door cracked just so much that those without can see a glimmer of the nicer things in life? Do we always give that "close enough to touch but just out of reach" outlook on the better things? Where do we see this in other areas and why is it done? I found myself thinking about this for some time and realized it was definitely worth the thought I had given it and lead to many subsequent questions. The idea also leant itself to the look I am giving you - a glimpse into my soul, so to speak. How will you see me? What will you think of me once you hear it?

I will try to be very forthcoming with my postings and hope that you will bear with me as the information I feel I might give *should I be as honest as I plan* will be very personal. I have made the decision to change the names of my friends, unless I have previously asked their permission to utilize their real names. Although I won't go out of my way to talk about others, it is, at times, necessary and relevant to give the full scope of what I feel.

Because I feel I have rambled on and on enough *I tend to do that - smile* I will end this here. I guess you never know how much information you're gonna give until it's all out there. Oh well. I hope you enjoy what I have to give. I look forward to your feedback, thoughts, comments, etc, both good and bad. *did I just say that?*

Here's my life ... Beyond the Veil ...