Information SuperHighway

Sorry ... but this is likely to be a rather lengthy post. So I'm telling you up front ... if you don't want to sit through it, get away now. Although I would love to get your opinion on it.

So, while browsing old postings I've made on other sites, I came across a piece that I thought still posed valid questions ... a little back story ... I was dating this guy, John. Now many have asked me why I dated John and I ask myself the same thing nowadays. Of course, while we were together, I really noticed how much I did enjoy his company and, despite the myriad of flaws he presented, was still willing to work through the relationship. I have yet to decide whether or not my wanting to make it work was to prove a point about male/male relationships - and relationships in general in this day and age - or whether I really did enjoy being with him that much. Nonetheless, John and I had a discussion toward the beginning of our relationship regarding websites such as BGC, T4S, M4N, A4A, and the like. Basically the conversation regarded the place we both felt these sites had when one was in, or trying to be, in a relationship - and also why people get onto the sites period. We basically came to the compromise that if/when we got together, the sites would cease ... I mean, he, after all, felt like the sites were only good for a means of finding an instant sexual partner and the like. I don't even need to point out that I caught John on these sites on multiple occasions "just talking to his friends in the chat room" and one day - Thanksgiving 2006 - he even had the nerve to be caught with his pants down in front of the screen and the webcam was at waist level!

I know, right?

Anyway ... here is a bit of my reaction - AFTER having another conversation about the internet:

Originally posted November 28, 2006:

Recently I had a conversation and the internet was brought up. The statement made was that it was originally considered to be the information superhighway and it's now the porn/sex superhighway. The internet was once used for the purpose of being able to find information on anything and everything you might want to see or know about. Apparently those gears have shifted and the focus of a great deal of internet usage seems to be in search of something pornographic or for some sort of sexual gratification. Where did we, as a people, go wrong?

This seems to be an increasing phenomenon, in this day and age - especially in the sector of the world housing homosexual males. I may be shunned by some for furthering this, but I feel it needs to be said. The general public has already placed a certain label on gays ~ that we are sex-crazed or don't want relationships, only sex, or we'd have meaningless sex with just about anyone. I used to defend this as though it was my honor ... "We are NOT! ... We do NOT do that! ... we are NOT that way!" However, over time, I've been beaten to a pulp. I have been defending a group of people that seem to be content (quite obviously) with such a label. We find a constant myriad of examples, on a daily basis, to confirm their theories of us. There are so many ways to describe just how I have come to the conclusion that I'm fighting a battle I just can't win. I only want to touch on one ~ their theory is perpetuated by a consistent addiction to the internet with its sexual chat rooms, live porn streams, easy access to downloading pornography (without the embarassment of having to go into a video store - where you had to before), and live webcam shows.

What is it that makes a man want to log on to the computer to have sexual conversations with others or to view them on webcam when he can do these same things with his partner? What makes him not want to stop going into a chatroom that's on a site with the NAME "for sex" in the title, knowing that it bothers his partner? What makes him unable to tear himself away from a computer screen when he, himself, has admitted his belief (and stated emphatically) that sites such as these only perpetuate the stereotype of infidelity and the easy access to faceless sexual encounters? Is there some sort of addiction here? What causes it? What feeds it? How does it begin? What makes one 'addicted' to the internet?

A part of me feels as though I should already have answers to these questions, as I used to be the type to be on the internet all the time. Only thing is that my internet experiences were usually filled with browsing the lands of nothingness to help pass away boring time, while living in a new area where I knew no one. I would get on more than what some might call religiously. Whenever I wasn't asleep or at work or in a car, I was on the internet. Is that an addiction? If so, why was it so easy for me to stop it all for the man I believed (and still believe) to be one of the better things going on in my life? Why did I do it? For him? For me? For US? If I could do it, then why couldn't he follow suit? Better question is why would he say he would get off these sites, then go right back to them under the cloak of darkness? Does this not constitute a lie - further compounding the problems in the relationship? What would be the reason to hide the things that you do? Why not just say that you don't want to get off the sites? It would be much easier to keep the trust and respect that you had in the beginning.

So many unanswered questions here. I view this as a serious issue. Just as with any addiction, there has to be some sort of help available. I suppose the first thing is that you have to want assistance with it. But that can't happen if you don't first view it as a problem, huh? I'm sure, as with any addiction, there is a great deal of difficulty. But how do you cope with it? How does the PARTNER cope with it? Perhaps a better question and probably more specific to this particular circumstance ... How does one compete?

Despite the fact that this relationship has since dissolved and I have now moved on and am happier than ever - not having to deal with problems such as this, I still find it to be a relevant situation, some 2 years later. I have another friend going through the same sort of situation ... what are your thoughts?