It had been raining for, pretty much, the whole day. Interestingly though, it didn't seem to be gloomy and depressing but more like those little drops of liquid sunshine we'd been told so much about as children. It seemed to truly be about renewal and re-purposed use of the space. Why think negatively about it, right?
Truth be told, it was the start of a new experience for me. I was embarking on new experiences - as I have been on a daily here in New York. The rain merely mirrored my thoughts on the day and all the happenings within my life since my arrival here - it had been a continuous refreshing of my mind and spirit so that I could be better prepared to live in each moment.
As I left the restaurant, the rain had not subsided. As I strolled down the Brooklyn streets, I found myself singing in the rain (in my mind, that is). I called my parents to tell them of my day. I was sure I'd be on the phone with my mom for a little while, so I stopped in the doorway of a closed store to shield myself from the rain. I was dressed rather business casual (but with VWayne appeal) but nothing too flashy. I was knee-deep in a discussion on the virtues of maintaining a positive attitude in life when he approached me.
He was an attractive older Caucasian (is that a PC term anymore?) gentlemen - perhaps late 30s to mid 40s. He wore khaki slacks, the long sleeves of his plaid shirt were rolled up, a gray sweater tied around his waist, dark brown shoes, and a seemingly matching dark brown messenger bag across his chest.
He seemed to walk toward me as if he knew me - quickly down the street, then slowing when he was about 5 feet or so away. I wasn't standing very far from the subway, so I assumed he was making his way into the station. I didn't pay much attention but still noticed his movements - being cognizant of my surroundings is, after all, my favorite pastime.
He made eye contact and smiled. Of course, I've been taught to be cordial so I flashed him a polite smile and continued my conversation. (these pleasantries may stop going forward) A couple moments passed and I realized he was still hovering within that same 3-5 foot radius around the door I was in. He smiled again. A curious smile appeared on my face.
What he did next freaked me out a bit and opened my eyes to a phenomenon women talk about all the time. On his 3rd or 4th trip past me, I watched him remove a gold band from his fourth finger, left hand before placing it into his brown messenger bag. I did my best to disguise my disgust - both on my face and in my voice while I was speaking with my mother. The sheer fact that he continued to slowly circle me as if I were chum in the sea and he was some sort of great white shark bothered me already. Add to this that he basically tied a bib around his neck before going in for his meal, well ... yea.
I ended the conversation with my mother "good night, I love you. Kiss my dad." I could tell he assuredly saw this as his opportunity. He turned toward me with a smile (significantly wider than those prior) and raised eyebrows. I figured the thoughts in his mind had something to do with the bulge he then sported within his khakis and how he might use me to assist him with this. I can't imagine the level of disappointment he must have felt as I walked right past him without acknowledgment. As I descended into the subway, I assume there was a great deal of deflation in his ego, not to mention his pants. Sucks to be him.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I survived my first cruising experience in New York. While it may not have had the happy ending most might expect from such an encounter, it was still worth going through at all.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
13 July 2013
22 May 2013
'Notting Hill' or 'Love Found In The Movies'
There's something about Julia. Hugh is beautifully dynamic.
Maybe it's the rain but, I'm quite introspective today. Before posting any of my blogs, I tend to re-read them to try and ensure my initial point comes through. While I read this, I realized my point came across, but it isn't what was originally intended. Either way ...
I must admit, when I first saw the movie "Notting Hill," shortly after it came out in 1999, I thought it quite boring. I think I might have even fallen asleep. I'm not sure what it was - the dialogue, the acting, the fact that it seemed to be about absolutely NOTHING at all - I just couldn't grasp the concept. I think it's because I had never been in love.
I watch it now (I'm currently watching it on the USA Network) and I fall in love with both Julia and Hugh and their relationship as a whole. It's the quintessential love story. Two people who were not "supposed" to be with each other, find themselves thrust into a gravitational pull neither one expected, nor could they explain. It's just the way he looks at her - he immediately is enamored each and every time she comes into a room.
I have two favorite "moments" within the 124-minute film. The first is their original moment of lovemaking (did I just use that word? SMH). After many missed or botched opportunities and extenuating circumstances preventing them from any real possibility of physical intimacy, the time comes and you can just FEEL how much he desires her. Even moreso, the screen literally seems to pour out every ounce of how much he is enamored with her. The way he gently caresses and strokes her back appears to show a bit of worship for her skin. He's already in love with her before he even has an opportunity to realize it. He takes a pause and glances at her face in the dim light and says, simply, "Wow." Her smile shows that she is taken aback but slightly uncomfortable because she CLEARLY realizes this is the first time anyone has actually seen her in this way - or even at all, for that matter. She knows he's honest - he's genuinely seeing *her* for the woman she is, not the successful actress. The next morning they have an exchange of words:
Anna Scott (Julia): Rita Hayworth used to say, 'They go to bed with Gilda; they wake up with me.'He isn't looking for any recognition ... just genuinely expressing his affections for her. Have you ever heard anything so beautiful? You can just about see the puddle she melts into.
William Thacker (Hugh): Who's Gilda?
Anna Scott: Her most famous part. Men went to bed with the dream; they didn't like it when they would wake up with the reality. Do you feel that way?
William Thacker: You are lovelier this morning than you have ever been.
My second favorite moment is toward the end of the movie. After Anna realizes she has been exhibiting a great deal of childish antics - "having behaved so badly" - she apologizes, in her own way. She brings him a gift from her apartment, an original painting by an artist he likes (she noticed a print of it in his "flat" earlier in the movie). She's nearly shaking with nervousness and worry. She doesn't know what he will say and she doesn't know if she's ruined every hope of being with the first person to see her for who she is. She proceeds to ask him for reconciliation, dancing about the concept as best she can. Ambivalence and vulnerability can be read all over her face. Through nervous laughter and timid hand wringing, she opens herself up for every possibility of response.
He considers his options, matching her trepidation with his own fears of doing what's right for himself while attempting to spare her feelings at the same time. He ultimately says, "I'm a fairly level-headed bloke - not often in and out of love. But, uh ..." He pauses and states, simply, "Can I just say no to your kind request?" He doesn't want to cause either one any pain but feels compelled to explain, though he doesn't want to. He touts their vast differences as rationale - he lives "in Notting Hill" and she "in Beverly Hills." He says, "Everyone in the world knows who you are. My mother has trouble remembering my name."
In an attempt to explain that "the fame thing isn't really real," she says (arguably one of the most profound lines of any love story ever told), "I'm also just a girl ... standing in front of a boy ... asking him to love her."
How can you beat that?
It's a story of love in such a way that you feel they are doomed before they begin, yet they are still drawn to each other by that invisible gravitational pull. There is a magnetism that causes them to continue returning to each other, though the odds are stacked against them. It's a love we can't understand unless we've been with another in such a way to validate its very existence as even true at all. It's a love that seems to transcend any and every trouble around you. It's a love that lends itself to a certain comfort level whereas all your worries/woes/concerns seem to fade away whenever you're near this person. It's a love where you think about the person all the time - even when they are right there next to you. It is a love that is, in a word ... true.
So yea ... I used to feel like Notting Hill was boring. It was a movie that induced eye burning for lack of allowing them to just close. I don't think I actually saw the whole thing from start to finish for a really long while. I just felt as if it was not worth watching. That is, until I found love. I now find that I must watch it whenever/if ever it should come on. I'm compelled to watch it. I fall in love with it each time and realize something new about love every minute. It doesn't help that it is one of his favorite movies. I think I just realized the first time I saw the complete movie in one sitting was with him. **sigh** Him.
**sigh**
I. Miss. Him.
20 May 2013
Undetectable: The New Condom(?)
I do hope that everyone understands I don't currently have an agenda to become an HIV advocate. I just want it to be known that my reasons for "coming out" with my positive status last month had nothing to do with any sort of political platform or trying to build a career in advocacy. I merely needed to do it for myself and I am now absorbing the things that have come across my oath since divulging that information. With that being said, today I posted in a forum on a popular gay social networking site. Let's just say certain chats with guys on sites such as this one lead to my venting and questioning. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to comment below.
FYI - Undetectable, as defined by Dr Frascino via thebody.com is "the HIV plasma viral load is below the lower limit of detection for the particular test assay that is being used. Early viral load tests could only test down to 10,000 copies. Newer tests were able to test down to 500 copies of the virus per milliliter of plasma. The even newer ultrasensitive viral load assays can test all the way down to 25 or 50 copies/ml. We now have ultra-ultrasensitive assays available in some research laboratories that can test down to a single copy per ml! However, even in HIV-positive patients with HIV plasma viral loads below 1 copy/ml, this does not mean they have zero virus in their body. HIV still exists inside cells in the blood, lymph nodes and other body compartments."
I'm not certain how many of you have noticed this trend but I am curious the thoughts of others because I often feel like I'm on my own when it comes to this. Have we evolved into the thought process that sexing someone who is HIV+ but "undetectable" provides us the same "risk-free" behavior as if we were with someone HIV-?
Let me start this by saying, after 5years of being "poz," I have learned to live with it and now allow myself the freedom of posting it freely on sites as if it were my eye color. Let me also mention that I have divulged my status to my sexual partners before now but recently decided that I needn't be closeted about my status to anyone. No, everyone doesn't need to know, but I have found that even using "everyone doesn't need to know my business" was as an excuse to be hidden about it. The more I hid it, the more I seemed to feel there was something wrong with me and that just wasn't the case.
Sorry about that - it wasn't my intention to talk so much about myself, but I guess it was necessary. Recently, when divulging my status to those who ask (or it seems like we might go further than idle online chit chat), I've found that the response is favorable (at first). Guys say "thanks for being honest" or "I don't judge people based on their past" or something along those lines. But then it changes. The very next question tends to be "are you undetectable?" Now, don't get me wrong, I'm aware that some guys are wanting to verify that you are taking care of yourself so as to ensure they aren't increasing their risk on multiple levels. Te problem, however, is that I find many of these guys have a follow up question of "do you bareback?"
**insert shocked face here**
Please don't get me wrong, it is not my intention to publicly condemn or judge. I'm curious and I am concerned. Have we gotten to the point of adaptation to the virus and are really thinking a cure is coming so soon that we have decided to disregard our only saving grace, save abstinence? When did we (as a community) decide roulette was the game du jour? Did I miss something? For 4 of my 5 years, I had been in a committed relationship and so I don't know when this shift happened?
I recall the evolutionary stage where it was decided (after all the information stating "it's no longer a death sentence"] that medication made it easier to live longer, healthier, happier lives. But the community then adapted and said, "if I catch it, I can get on meds, so it isn't a big deal." Now, obviously this wasn't the thought process of the community at large, but I'm sure we all know (of) someone who seemed to have blatant disregard because of this.
My only concern is that we have now evolved into even riskier behavior and I'm afraid of this current trajectory. A couple of months ago, I posted on my blog that I fear a cure to the point of saying I hope we don't have one any time soon. I feel like the more we get to a point of feeling any more as if we can live risk free, we will have disregard for our own health and the health of others. One could pontificate on many reasons for this but it boils down to (de)evolution. Guys have gotten to a point of always looking for creative ways of doing what they want without regard for themselves or others.
Obviously I didn't really mean I don't want a cure. Despite my new "out of the closet" mindset, I don't *WANT* HIV. I would gladly give it up. My fears are still the same, though - dudes have become ridiculously oblivious to the risks because they feel like there is still a remedy. I'm a human (a human MALE) so clearly I can enjoy sex like all the rest. I'm also aware of the "increased" physical pleasures of sex sans a condom. I just feel there is a greater social responsibility being shirked. It appears dudes have this feeling of invincibility or just merely a lack of real and tangible consequences to their actions, so why bother? Isn't that what it is? Am I the only one who is noticing this? Am I the only one concerned? Hmmmm has being "undetectable" been translated to render condoms obsolete?For many, you are getting a glance into a world you only partially understand. In many cases, I do feel like the oblivious or naive attitude many heterosexuals have toward the inner workings within the gay community tend to feed into these behaviors. This tends to stem from the healthcare policies created to quell the known aspects but not treating the causes. As a society, the population at large speaks for all these minorities but there isn't enough representation to inform those who would choose to remain oblivious. For this, both sides hold some blame.
As always, I would be remiss if I didn't state:
Make it common practice to get tested! There are better odds when you know than when you don't!
~VWayne
KiK: V.Wayne
Twitter: @VeeWayne
Instagram: @VeeWayne
Facebook: /ITS.THE.GEM.IN.I
14 May 2013
Giving of oneself (?)
Life throws us many curve balls.
Today my best friend called me crying - I hope she doesn't mind that I'm posting this about her (she'll get over it). She called me crying because things are not going her way. She wants for things in her life to take a turn for the better and she feels that she's working hard for these changes, yet she continues to be slapped in the face with continuous let downs. Let downs are caused by an expectation of others.
Truth is, we would like to be able to count on others, but this is an unrealistic expectation and will tend to cause undoubted turmoil for ourselves. We will more than likely end up with a feeling of being let down - a feeling of being an ultimate victim. Before you think I'm going down the road of cynicism, allow me to provide you with my stance on this situation.
I'm a FIRM believer that everything we attempt in life must first come from a wealth of love and affection we first give ourselves. If you haven't given anything to self, you can't expect to be able to give anything to others. I feel as though there is a bank within each of us from which we tend to give to others. Unfortunately, we tend to focus so much on what we can do for others, that we often forget about refilling the bank. This leaves us with nothing, since we've given it all to others. Then, because we've given to others, we expect for them to do the same for us. This is not fair to request of others, yet we still feel them selfish since they took from us but give nothing in return.
The REAL problem with this is that we have given nothing to and left nothing for ourselves. When the other person gives nothing in return, we finally realize that we haven't a bit of reserve for ourselves and so the "selfishness" of the other person is felt even stronger. How could they do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why doesn't he love me? Doesn't he realize what I've done for him? Truth of the matter is that we cannot expect for others to give to us what we should first have given to ourselves.
The moment we realize it is NOT "selfish" to give to self first, but a natural requirement, the better off we will be going forward. Consider a bank. Financial institutions are in the business of doling out money. If the financial institution doesn't first build the reserve, there would be nothing for them to give others, right? If they were to still give out a loan to whomever asked, the bank would be stretched thin and eventually file bankruptcy, correct? If you continue to pay bills with money you don't have, you will not be able to take care of the other responsibilities you have, correct? You will be left with a negative bank account and bigger questions about how you replenish said bank account in order to take care of the things you need (and WANT) to.
Why do we treat our happiness any differently? We tend to focus a great deal on the things that are going on with others but neglect ourselves. We work to improve the happiness of our friends, family members, and even some folks we've never even met, yet we forget the importance of our OWN happiness. Most of us have heard that when you give to others, you get back a great deal. We've interpreted this to mean that we have to think of others first and this is WRONG! W-R-O-N-G! WRONG! (Before moving forward, I should say that this is IN MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION, of course. I don't know all the answers) The interpretation of this SHOULD BE that you give of yourself (WHEN YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO) because (AND ONLY IF) it's what you have within you to give. People must focus on self FIRST so that there is something AVAILABLE others.
I believe if we treat ourselves as a bank, perhaps we will learn to give out only what we are able. If you build up your happiness bank, there will be plenty to give. No one should give their last happiness "dollar" because you, yourself, are then left with none. I do believe, however, the DESIRE to give to others, even when you haven't a happiness dollar to give, is another way you replenish your own. God sees this desire within your heart and immediately provides for you the excess you need. He makes up for what you're lacking so that you may give to others yet STILL HAVE FOR YOURSELF! However, if you neglect yourself, but still give to others, God needs to show you where it comes from. This is why we find ourselves down in the dumps - crying and confused. We've given our last bit of happiness to another and left our bank empty. Then we continue to give without even considering the source of refilling. How can we expect to give something to others if we haven't anything to give. God needs us to know that this is not possible - and so he doesn't replenish it until we figure it out.
Often times, this process leaves us to feel as though everyone is "against" us. They appear to have taken and taken and taken but given nothing in return and we feel as though they have attacked us personally. Perhaps those people had something to give and didn't, but perhaps not. It's possible that, in our own hour of need, the other person just didn't have anything left in their own bank and so we are left to suffer. Yet we still hold them in contempt when they did not mean any personal affront to us. We have to get out of our own way.
The moment we realize that we are in control of filling our happiness meter, we can give to self AND to others, THEN - and seemingly ONLY then - will God begin to bless us to the point that our happiness meter overflows.
Where my friend is concerned, I issued her a challenge and I will issue it to you as well. Throughout the motivation I attempted to give her, I found myself repeating these words: "You are stronger than you think you are! You CAN do this!" These words continued to fall out of my mouth before I even realized it. I also realized that they were meant for me as well (how awesome is it to realize that your assistance to others can be used for self, as well). That being said, I have ALSO accepted the challenge: I've set an HOURLY reminder in my phone. This reminder repeats those words - "You are stronger than you think you are, VWayne! You CAN do this!" The challenge is to say this aloud as an hourly affirmation. The idea is to say it so much that you have no choice but to believe it. You put it into the world so that God can build upon that seed within your life until it builds a great harvest within you. We could all benefit from a harvest of abundant happiness. Won't you join us in the challenge?
We're all enduring things within our lives. We continue to question why they are happening to us and this is not necessarily a bad thing. The bad thing happens when you don't allow yourself to be receptive to the answers (or the steps toward the enlightenment that is 'the answer'). When we find that our friends and family members have "let us down," we are actually realizing God's plan for us. He is continuing to prune us. We are His flowers and He tends to His garden with great diligence. When rotten leaves spring about, He carefully removes them so that we are healthy and happy and blossom to our greatest potential. Don't stunt your growth by focusing on those lost leaves. They were already dead and could ultimately kill you, if left unattended. Which is better: to focus on others and ensure they grow to their own predetermined height (blocking the light you need for your OWN growth), or to allow yourself to be pruned, so that you can blossom as much as you can and allow the natural pollination process to then assist in the growth of those others? As for those tears - they are a good thing also ... every plant needs to be watered, right?
This is how you help yourself AND help others!
Today my best friend called me crying - I hope she doesn't mind that I'm posting this about her (she'll get over it). She called me crying because things are not going her way. She wants for things in her life to take a turn for the better and she feels that she's working hard for these changes, yet she continues to be slapped in the face with continuous let downs. Let downs are caused by an expectation of others.
Truth is, we would like to be able to count on others, but this is an unrealistic expectation and will tend to cause undoubted turmoil for ourselves. We will more than likely end up with a feeling of being let down - a feeling of being an ultimate victim. Before you think I'm going down the road of cynicism, allow me to provide you with my stance on this situation.
I'm a FIRM believer that everything we attempt in life must first come from a wealth of love and affection we first give ourselves. If you haven't given anything to self, you can't expect to be able to give anything to others. I feel as though there is a bank within each of us from which we tend to give to others. Unfortunately, we tend to focus so much on what we can do for others, that we often forget about refilling the bank. This leaves us with nothing, since we've given it all to others. Then, because we've given to others, we expect for them to do the same for us. This is not fair to request of others, yet we still feel them selfish since they took from us but give nothing in return.
The REAL problem with this is that we have given nothing to and left nothing for ourselves. When the other person gives nothing in return, we finally realize that we haven't a bit of reserve for ourselves and so the "selfishness" of the other person is felt even stronger. How could they do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why doesn't he love me? Doesn't he realize what I've done for him? Truth of the matter is that we cannot expect for others to give to us what we should first have given to ourselves.
The moment we realize it is NOT "selfish" to give to self first, but a natural requirement, the better off we will be going forward. Consider a bank. Financial institutions are in the business of doling out money. If the financial institution doesn't first build the reserve, there would be nothing for them to give others, right? If they were to still give out a loan to whomever asked, the bank would be stretched thin and eventually file bankruptcy, correct? If you continue to pay bills with money you don't have, you will not be able to take care of the other responsibilities you have, correct? You will be left with a negative bank account and bigger questions about how you replenish said bank account in order to take care of the things you need (and WANT) to.
Why do we treat our happiness any differently? We tend to focus a great deal on the things that are going on with others but neglect ourselves. We work to improve the happiness of our friends, family members, and even some folks we've never even met, yet we forget the importance of our OWN happiness. Most of us have heard that when you give to others, you get back a great deal. We've interpreted this to mean that we have to think of others first and this is WRONG! W-R-O-N-G! WRONG! (Before moving forward, I should say that this is IN MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION, of course. I don't know all the answers) The interpretation of this SHOULD BE that you give of yourself (WHEN YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO) because (AND ONLY IF) it's what you have within you to give. People must focus on self FIRST so that there is something AVAILABLE others.
I believe if we treat ourselves as a bank, perhaps we will learn to give out only what we are able. If you build up your happiness bank, there will be plenty to give. No one should give their last happiness "dollar" because you, yourself, are then left with none. I do believe, however, the DESIRE to give to others, even when you haven't a happiness dollar to give, is another way you replenish your own. God sees this desire within your heart and immediately provides for you the excess you need. He makes up for what you're lacking so that you may give to others yet STILL HAVE FOR YOURSELF! However, if you neglect yourself, but still give to others, God needs to show you where it comes from. This is why we find ourselves down in the dumps - crying and confused. We've given our last bit of happiness to another and left our bank empty. Then we continue to give without even considering the source of refilling. How can we expect to give something to others if we haven't anything to give. God needs us to know that this is not possible - and so he doesn't replenish it until we figure it out.
Often times, this process leaves us to feel as though everyone is "against" us. They appear to have taken and taken and taken but given nothing in return and we feel as though they have attacked us personally. Perhaps those people had something to give and didn't, but perhaps not. It's possible that, in our own hour of need, the other person just didn't have anything left in their own bank and so we are left to suffer. Yet we still hold them in contempt when they did not mean any personal affront to us. We have to get out of our own way.
The moment we realize that we are in control of filling our happiness meter, we can give to self AND to others, THEN - and seemingly ONLY then - will God begin to bless us to the point that our happiness meter overflows.
Where my friend is concerned, I issued her a challenge and I will issue it to you as well. Throughout the motivation I attempted to give her, I found myself repeating these words: "You are stronger than you think you are! You CAN do this!" These words continued to fall out of my mouth before I even realized it. I also realized that they were meant for me as well (how awesome is it to realize that your assistance to others can be used for self, as well). That being said, I have ALSO accepted the challenge: I've set an HOURLY reminder in my phone. This reminder repeats those words - "You are stronger than you think you are, VWayne! You CAN do this!" The challenge is to say this aloud as an hourly affirmation. The idea is to say it so much that you have no choice but to believe it. You put it into the world so that God can build upon that seed within your life until it builds a great harvest within you. We could all benefit from a harvest of abundant happiness. Won't you join us in the challenge?
We're all enduring things within our lives. We continue to question why they are happening to us and this is not necessarily a bad thing. The bad thing happens when you don't allow yourself to be receptive to the answers (or the steps toward the enlightenment that is 'the answer'). When we find that our friends and family members have "let us down," we are actually realizing God's plan for us. He is continuing to prune us. We are His flowers and He tends to His garden with great diligence. When rotten leaves spring about, He carefully removes them so that we are healthy and happy and blossom to our greatest potential. Don't stunt your growth by focusing on those lost leaves. They were already dead and could ultimately kill you, if left unattended. Which is better: to focus on others and ensure they grow to their own predetermined height (blocking the light you need for your OWN growth), or to allow yourself to be pruned, so that you can blossom as much as you can and allow the natural pollination process to then assist in the growth of those others? As for those tears - they are a good thing also ... every plant needs to be watered, right?
This is how you help yourself AND help others!
13 May 2013
Faith & Success
I often wonder about people.
Many of you may (or may not) know that I count myself as an amateur psychologist. Clearly, I haven't any official training or certifications for such a profession. For that reason, I don't PRACTICE psychology. I do, however, still find myself making small (and large) psychological observations. I watch people in many ways - on the train, walking down the street, riding the bus, talking to their children, complaining about their lives, etc.
The positivity challenge my friend Kia issued to me recently will be a continuous challenge for me. I love what it did for me during that month. I believe, however, that the moment I knew the challenge had been completed, I allowed myself to backslide and I, once again and without trying, embraced the concept of negativity. I'm working on "pivoting my thoughts" so as to allow only positivity into my life. I challenge you to join me.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
So ... clearly I wonder about me, but I started this post by saying I wonder about people.
Now, I don't mean that I wonder about people in the sense that I worry about them so much. I do worry, but that's not the focus of this post. I often wonder about people and the things for which they ask. Many people tend to discuss all the things they desire, yet the actions tend to be lacking in order to accomplish said desires. Let's - for the sake of specificity - use the idea of financial hardship.
In the wake of our generation's biggest economic catastrophe, most all of us have felt the noose tighten around our necks (and wallets). While we still have many things for which we can feel thankful, our lives, our very way of life revolves around money. The basic (understood) necessities to sustain our human lives - food, drink, clothing, and shelter - all require some sort of financial sacrifice to provide. This wouldn't be as bad of an issue if the cost to acquire these fundamental requirements wasn't continuing to increase - and skyrocketing, in some cases.
So what do we do? How do we overcome these challenges and still make out to a place of not only "getting by," but also to a place of living comfortably? Typically, we try for higher paying jobs. Of course, to acquire one of these, there has to be substantial schooling and degrees - not to mention experience in the particular field. Because we are unable to afford returning to school (even if we might have wanted to), we try to make do with what (jobs) we have. Then we must deal with the fact that we find ourselves underpaid and unappreciated, but stuck.
Our generation is one that is always seeking growth in ourselves yet we tend to find ourselves pensive in our approach to this growth and success. We tend to want our success to be quick and cheap (this usually meaning free). We are also innovators and forward thinkers so we're all about the next big thing that will grow our money and our success.
So I'm wondering about people in that we have no faith in ourselves, nor do we want to place ourselves into a position where we are required to do work for our own betterment. We are much more content with staying in our current state and complaining of all the things wrong and all the things against us. Do we not tire of this? Is there a solution to our current state? In short ... YES!
Many of you know that I have been trying various programs/opportunities for making money. I don't feel like I was bred for the "9 to 5" life, and so I've been seeking avenues to remedy my current state of 9-to-5-dom. For the past few months, I had been researching a company and procrastinated on taking the next steps. I'm fully aware that not every thing is for every one and I just didn't know that this one was for me. But in all my research, I hadn't had an opportunity to reach anyone who was having any great deal of success. Then someone sent me a video and my fate was sealed.
I'm going to provide you with a link to this video and I do hope you consider it and join a network of individuals who are SERIOUS about the success of every member within the organization. The main business is simplistic in nature and there are many out there who are doing it. However, only the group I've joined has created all the tools necessary to provide you with the successes you deserve. You'll have the training necessary, the support necessary, and a corresponding option that can catapult your financial independence into a realm you only imagined possible.
Yes, this sounds really amazing and yes it sounds "too good to be true." I can assure you, it is not. This opportunity is not something that falls into your lap often. Many people will ignore this, simply because they fear the "get rich quick" idea that many are perpetuating around the world. I can assure you, this is not that. You absolutely ARE presented with an opportunity to find yourself financially successful and independent. However, it is not something that happens in a week and may not happen for you in a month. HOWEVER, we are working to ensure those of us who don't want the 9-5 lifestyle have the chance to leave it.
For those of my readers who are not within the borders of the United States, fret not. This is a GLOBAL OPPORTUNITY and each of us has an opportunity to partake in the business.
Check out this link and get back to me if you have any questions. If you don't and you're ready to get started, either contact me or click one of the yellow "Sign Up Now" buttons on the page. I do hope to hear from you soon!
VWayne
KiK: V.Wayne
Twitter: @VeeWayne
FB: facebook.com/its.the.gem.in.i (be sure to add me as a friend and send me a message!)
Many of you may (or may not) know that I count myself as an amateur psychologist. Clearly, I haven't any official training or certifications for such a profession. For that reason, I don't PRACTICE psychology. I do, however, still find myself making small (and large) psychological observations. I watch people in many ways - on the train, walking down the street, riding the bus, talking to their children, complaining about their lives, etc.
The positivity challenge my friend Kia issued to me recently will be a continuous challenge for me. I love what it did for me during that month. I believe, however, that the moment I knew the challenge had been completed, I allowed myself to backslide and I, once again and without trying, embraced the concept of negativity. I'm working on "pivoting my thoughts" so as to allow only positivity into my life. I challenge you to join me.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
So ... clearly I wonder about me, but I started this post by saying I wonder about people.
Now, I don't mean that I wonder about people in the sense that I worry about them so much. I do worry, but that's not the focus of this post. I often wonder about people and the things for which they ask. Many people tend to discuss all the things they desire, yet the actions tend to be lacking in order to accomplish said desires. Let's - for the sake of specificity - use the idea of financial hardship.
In the wake of our generation's biggest economic catastrophe, most all of us have felt the noose tighten around our necks (and wallets). While we still have many things for which we can feel thankful, our lives, our very way of life revolves around money. The basic (understood) necessities to sustain our human lives - food, drink, clothing, and shelter - all require some sort of financial sacrifice to provide. This wouldn't be as bad of an issue if the cost to acquire these fundamental requirements wasn't continuing to increase - and skyrocketing, in some cases.
So what do we do? How do we overcome these challenges and still make out to a place of not only "getting by," but also to a place of living comfortably? Typically, we try for higher paying jobs. Of course, to acquire one of these, there has to be substantial schooling and degrees - not to mention experience in the particular field. Because we are unable to afford returning to school (even if we might have wanted to), we try to make do with what (jobs) we have. Then we must deal with the fact that we find ourselves underpaid and unappreciated, but stuck.
Our generation is one that is always seeking growth in ourselves yet we tend to find ourselves pensive in our approach to this growth and success. We tend to want our success to be quick and cheap (this usually meaning free). We are also innovators and forward thinkers so we're all about the next big thing that will grow our money and our success.
So I'm wondering about people in that we have no faith in ourselves, nor do we want to place ourselves into a position where we are required to do work for our own betterment. We are much more content with staying in our current state and complaining of all the things wrong and all the things against us. Do we not tire of this? Is there a solution to our current state? In short ... YES!
Many of you know that I have been trying various programs/opportunities for making money. I don't feel like I was bred for the "9 to 5" life, and so I've been seeking avenues to remedy my current state of 9-to-5-dom. For the past few months, I had been researching a company and procrastinated on taking the next steps. I'm fully aware that not every thing is for every one and I just didn't know that this one was for me. But in all my research, I hadn't had an opportunity to reach anyone who was having any great deal of success. Then someone sent me a video and my fate was sealed.
I'm going to provide you with a link to this video and I do hope you consider it and join a network of individuals who are SERIOUS about the success of every member within the organization. The main business is simplistic in nature and there are many out there who are doing it. However, only the group I've joined has created all the tools necessary to provide you with the successes you deserve. You'll have the training necessary, the support necessary, and a corresponding option that can catapult your financial independence into a realm you only imagined possible.
Yes, this sounds really amazing and yes it sounds "too good to be true." I can assure you, it is not. This opportunity is not something that falls into your lap often. Many people will ignore this, simply because they fear the "get rich quick" idea that many are perpetuating around the world. I can assure you, this is not that. You absolutely ARE presented with an opportunity to find yourself financially successful and independent. However, it is not something that happens in a week and may not happen for you in a month. HOWEVER, we are working to ensure those of us who don't want the 9-5 lifestyle have the chance to leave it.
For those of my readers who are not within the borders of the United States, fret not. This is a GLOBAL OPPORTUNITY and each of us has an opportunity to partake in the business.
Check out this link and get back to me if you have any questions. If you don't and you're ready to get started, either contact me or click one of the yellow "Sign Up Now" buttons on the page. I do hope to hear from you soon!
VWayne
KiK: V.Wayne
Twitter: @VeeWayne
FB: facebook.com/its.the.gem.in.i (be sure to add me as a friend and send me a message!)
26 March 2013
Same Love: Equality for One and All
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| “If a couple of gay guys want to throw the gayest, most fabulous wedding of all time, the only way it should offend you is if you weren’t invited.” ― Orlando Winters, boywritesmiami.com |
On one hand, arguments will ultimately decide the constitutionality of California's Proposition 8, which banned all same-sex marriages within the state in 2008. After a ballot measure and state constitutional amendment was passed and approved, the law was changed to say "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." Certainly this was met with many dissenting opinions from LGBT persons and supporters throughout the state and ultimately the country. This has cycled over the years until ultimately we have been brought to today, when the Supreme Court will ultimately be put into a position
The second measure, to be considered tomorrow, is that of DOMA or the Defense of Marriage Act. The high- (or low-) lights of this federal law include a definition that marriage is legal union of a man and a woman for federal and inter-state recognition purposes in the United States. It also states legally married couples of the same sex don't have the same eligibility for tax, pension and some other items as heterosexual counterparts. Similar to Prop 8, DOMA supporters continue defending a law that others find discriminatory and unconstitutional - this case dealing more with equal protection under the law moreso than equal rights of marriage. The decision to be handed down from the US Supreme Court is in response to a case from an 80+ year old New York woman who sued the federal government after she was forced to pay estate taxes to the tune of more than $360k. The two women were married in Canada in 2007 after being together for about 40 years. DOMA didn't recognize their union as legal, despite their traveling to Canada being a legal ceremony (Canadian provinces started recognizing same-sex marriage as legal in 2003 and ultimately mid-2005 throughout the country).
Regardless of the side on which you fall for this (these) issue(s), we cannot deny the monumental impact this will have on the world we, as Americans, live in and hold so dear. I'm always shocked when African Americans tend to deny these to be issues of civil rights. It seems there is some murky line of distinction between the Gay Rights Initiative and the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. It is as if the two didn't hold the same fundamental truths of equal protection under the law and overall equality for all men (and women) within our country. Do they not ask the same things? Is the LGBT community not merely a subset of the overall conglomerate of Americans who do/did not reap the same benefits outlined as requirements for all Americans? Clearly I understand the hesitation and possible reasons for otherwise pensive thought processes with regard to this (that's a completely different topic all together), however right is right and wrong is wrong.
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Recently, I discovered a song by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis from their Album The Heist (released October 9, 2012) entitled "Same Love." When I first heard this song, I was so astonished that I had not heard about it before. It speaks to many fundamental truths that I couldn't believe anyone - let alone a heterosexual man! - would step up to say these things. I'm not going to review it, but I do want you to hear the song. I've also just discovered there is a video for it. Being the sap I am, of course I shed two or three - or seven or nine - tears while watching it. There are many immediate similarities one could draw to their own lives - myself included.
All in all, these situations are dealing with HUMAN rights - not just civil rights. Perhaps this term sits better on the tongues of the African Americans who deny the similarities or blatant absolution. The fight seems to be more about ensuring we all receive the same opportunities, rights, perks, benefits, consequences and anything else warranted for being an American under the laws of our great nations. It's not SIMPLY about being able to marry who you want - but more about receiving what I should be entitled as an American citizen.
"A certificate on paper isn't gonna solve it all, but it's a damn good place to start!"
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21 March 2013
I JUST DON'T **KCUFING** UNDERSTAND
DISCLAIMER: SORRY FOR THE CAPS (AND EXPLETIVES) - I'M ANGRY!
SO, I JUST FOUND OUT THAT SOME KCUFING COMPANY HAS TAKEN MONEY OUT OF MY BANK ACCOUNT FOR SOME SORT OF "TRIAL PERIOD" I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR. ACCORDING TO THEM, I SIGNED UP FOR SOMETHING ON 13MAY AND WOULD HAVE NEEDED TO CANCEL YESTERDAY IN ORDER TO NOT BE BILLED OR HAVE AUTO-SHIPMENTS COME OUT OF MY ACCOUNT.
NO ONE CAN PRODUCE THE DOCUMENTS THAT I APPARENTLY "SIGNED" IN ORDER TO HAVE THESE THINGS SHIPPED TO ME, NOR CAN THEY TELL ME WHAT IT'S FOR. (BASED UPON THE NAME, I HAVE FIGURED OUT THAT IT'S FOR SOME SORT OF TEETH WHITENING TIHS). I DO SEE A CHARGE ON MY ACCOUNT FOR $1.03 ON 15MAY (NOT 13MAY) THAT I DIDN'T NOTICE - AND A CHARGE FOR SOME OTHER $4 OR $5 ON 18MAR. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND - WHAT SITE DID THEY PULL MY INFORMATION FROM IN ORDER TO PROCESS SOME RANDOM CHARGES FROM MY ACCOUNT AND NOW $94+ TODAY? HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN VICTIMS OF THIS BS AND HAD SMALL AMOUNTS COME OUT THAT THEY DIDN'T NOTICE UNTIL TOO LATE?
TOO ADD INSULT TO INJURY, MY KCUFING BANK WON'T EVEN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT RIGHT AWAY?! WTF?! I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL IT ACTUALLY "POSTS" TO MY ACCOUNT FOR ME TO TELL YOU THAT SOME BULL-TIHS IS GOING ON AND YOU MAKE EFFORTS TO RECTIFY THE TIHS? I FIGURE BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH IT AND IT WENT ON MY DEBIT CARD, THAT IT'S PROTECTED BY VISA AND THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF IT IF THE BANK DOESN'T. UGH - I CAN'T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT AND MY BLOOD IS BOILING SOMETHING SERIOUS!
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THE ABOVE BRINGS UP SOME OTHER BULL-TIHS THAT I'M CURRENTLY DEALING WITH ...
WELL, YOU MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW THAT I'VE STARTED SOME BUSINESSES THAT ARE PAYING ME DIRECTLY INTO MY PAYPAL ACCOUNT. WELL RECENTLY I'VE FOUND OUT THAT I CAN'T ACCESS ANY OF THE MONEY I'M MAKING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THERE IS ANOTHER ACCOUNT OPEN IN MY NAME WHERE THERE IS AN OUTSTANDING BALANCE - TO THE TUNE OF ~$850!!!! I'M SORRY ... COME AGAIN?!
WELL, AFTER FURTHER EXPLANATION, I FOUND OUT THAT IT'S FROM AN ACCOUNT OPENED SOME 5 OR 6 YEARS AGO. THE DISPUTES ON THE ACCOUNT ARE FROM CUSTOMERS COMPLAINING THAT SOME PHONES WERE ORDERED THROUGH MY ACCOUNT ON EBAY AND THEY WERE NEVER RECEIVED. THE MOMENT THE MAN SAID CELL PHONES (AND SPECIFICALLY THE MODELS OF THE PHONES IN QUESTION) I KNOW WHICH MUTHA-KCUFER DID THIS SHIT. MY UNNAMED EX (MORE MIND-BLOWING INFORMATION ON HIM NEXT MONTH) WAS SELLING CELL PHONES ON MY ACCOUNT - AND I KNEW THIS - BUT APPARENTLY RECEIVED THE MONEY AND POCKETED BOTH THE $$$$ AND THE MERCHANDISE.
I WILL TELL YOU THAT IF I WERE A DIFFERENT PERSON AND I SAW THAT SON OF A HCTIB ON THE STREET, I WOULD WOOP ... THAT ... SSA! THEN I WOULD TAKE A BREAK! THEN I WOULD WOOP ... THAT ... ASS ... AGAIN! UGH!
NOW I CAN'T ACCESS ANY OF THE MONEY I AM MAKING NOW UNTIL I PAY RESTITUTION TO ALL OF THE OTHER INDIVIDUALS (4 OR 5 PEOPLE) WHO ARE OUT MONEY AND PHONES THEY PURCHASED.
SO PISSED OFF!
SO, I JUST FOUND OUT THAT SOME KCUFING COMPANY HAS TAKEN MONEY OUT OF MY BANK ACCOUNT FOR SOME SORT OF "TRIAL PERIOD" I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR. ACCORDING TO THEM, I SIGNED UP FOR SOMETHING ON 13MAY AND WOULD HAVE NEEDED TO CANCEL YESTERDAY IN ORDER TO NOT BE BILLED OR HAVE AUTO-SHIPMENTS COME OUT OF MY ACCOUNT.
NO ONE CAN PRODUCE THE DOCUMENTS THAT I APPARENTLY "SIGNED" IN ORDER TO HAVE THESE THINGS SHIPPED TO ME, NOR CAN THEY TELL ME WHAT IT'S FOR. (BASED UPON THE NAME, I HAVE FIGURED OUT THAT IT'S FOR SOME SORT OF TEETH WHITENING TIHS). I DO SEE A CHARGE ON MY ACCOUNT FOR $1.03 ON 15MAY (NOT 13MAY) THAT I DIDN'T NOTICE - AND A CHARGE FOR SOME OTHER $4 OR $5 ON 18MAR. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND - WHAT SITE DID THEY PULL MY INFORMATION FROM IN ORDER TO PROCESS SOME RANDOM CHARGES FROM MY ACCOUNT AND NOW $94+ TODAY? HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN VICTIMS OF THIS BS AND HAD SMALL AMOUNTS COME OUT THAT THEY DIDN'T NOTICE UNTIL TOO LATE?
TOO ADD INSULT TO INJURY, MY KCUFING BANK WON'T EVEN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT RIGHT AWAY?! WTF?! I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL IT ACTUALLY "POSTS" TO MY ACCOUNT FOR ME TO TELL YOU THAT SOME BULL-TIHS IS GOING ON AND YOU MAKE EFFORTS TO RECTIFY THE TIHS? I FIGURE BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH IT AND IT WENT ON MY DEBIT CARD, THAT IT'S PROTECTED BY VISA AND THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF IT IF THE BANK DOESN'T. UGH - I CAN'T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT AND MY BLOOD IS BOILING SOMETHING SERIOUS!
===================================================================
THE ABOVE BRINGS UP SOME OTHER BULL-TIHS THAT I'M CURRENTLY DEALING WITH ...
WELL, YOU MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW THAT I'VE STARTED SOME BUSINESSES THAT ARE PAYING ME DIRECTLY INTO MY PAYPAL ACCOUNT. WELL RECENTLY I'VE FOUND OUT THAT I CAN'T ACCESS ANY OF THE MONEY I'M MAKING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THERE IS ANOTHER ACCOUNT OPEN IN MY NAME WHERE THERE IS AN OUTSTANDING BALANCE - TO THE TUNE OF ~$850!!!! I'M SORRY ... COME AGAIN?!
WELL, AFTER FURTHER EXPLANATION, I FOUND OUT THAT IT'S FROM AN ACCOUNT OPENED SOME 5 OR 6 YEARS AGO. THE DISPUTES ON THE ACCOUNT ARE FROM CUSTOMERS COMPLAINING THAT SOME PHONES WERE ORDERED THROUGH MY ACCOUNT ON EBAY AND THEY WERE NEVER RECEIVED. THE MOMENT THE MAN SAID CELL PHONES (AND SPECIFICALLY THE MODELS OF THE PHONES IN QUESTION) I KNOW WHICH MUTHA-KCUFER DID THIS SHIT. MY UNNAMED EX (MORE MIND-BLOWING INFORMATION ON HIM NEXT MONTH) WAS SELLING CELL PHONES ON MY ACCOUNT - AND I KNEW THIS - BUT APPARENTLY RECEIVED THE MONEY AND POCKETED BOTH THE $$$$ AND THE MERCHANDISE.
I WILL TELL YOU THAT IF I WERE A DIFFERENT PERSON AND I SAW THAT SON OF A HCTIB ON THE STREET, I WOULD WOOP ... THAT ... SSA! THEN I WOULD TAKE A BREAK! THEN I WOULD WOOP ... THAT ... ASS ... AGAIN! UGH!
NOW I CAN'T ACCESS ANY OF THE MONEY I AM MAKING NOW UNTIL I PAY RESTITUTION TO ALL OF THE OTHER INDIVIDUALS (4 OR 5 PEOPLE) WHO ARE OUT MONEY AND PHONES THEY PURCHASED.
SO PISSED OFF!
18 March 2013
FLASHBACK POST: Trust a Try
I'm always quite in awe of the vulnerability I put forth into my writing. I'm also surprised that I worry so much about what I've written or HOW I have written it (I'm an editor to a fault), that I tend to not even post it until it's just right. I submit to you - with hopes of great conversation, a post written on July 10, 2009. I was still in the mere beginnings (9 months in) of my relationship and begin this post speaking about my, then, boyfriend (who later became my fiancee). Now, obviously (to some), we are no longer together (another post coming soon, I'm sure), so understand where this was at that point. Again, this is a PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED post that I'm deciding to post now. Perhaps I'll eventually do a lot of these "FLASHBACK" posts (yes, I have a lot of "unpublished" brain farts. Nonetheless, here's the post:
There are a lot of thoughts going through my head right now and so I'm sure this post will go off on a few tangents, but I will try to keep it reigned in - you've seen my previous posts, they can go pretty far. *look at that, even the first sentence is a run-on - LoL*
So Hifey *I still have to give you a post all about my boyfriend - anyway he* and I were talking *day after day we find more ways to talk about any and everything and are getting much better at this whole communication thing.* Anyway we were talking about a myriad of things involving relationships - but we settled more on a conversation of trust. Basically the conversation went along the lines of how so many people have expressed to us (throughout our almost 9-month relationship) that they feel he and I are the ideal when it comes to a relationship. They feel we exemplify that ultimate, that relationship epitome, and we always ask why they think so. I think we both shy away from this sort of conversation because it puts some sort of stigma on us, some sort of lofty expectation that we don't want to have to live up to. Thank goodness we are both humble enough to take the compliment, give thanks for the intent, and work from it. But with this discussion topic, we often - afterwards - have a discussion asking ourselves why others feel we exemplify this unattainable amalgamation that is, simply, our relationship?
We tend to go on for quite some time trying to come up with reasons why others think we are in such a coveted position but the truth of the matter is that we don't put so much heady weight on it. We know that we are in a relationship and we will do whatever is necessary in order to ensure the union reaches its ultimate level. If that level is never to come, we know that it will likely be because we continued to raise the bar for ourselves. I suppose our mode of thinking is just that we know that despite whatever goes on in our relationship, we will always attempt to make it work - to put in the effort in order to sustain. I have found that most people - when it comes to relationships - list a lot of things that they want *or do not want* when it comes to a mate and where their relationship will go. Yet a lot of them - and dare I say MOST - fall short when it comes to actually putting in the work necessary to at least TRY accomplishing this goal. Now this can probably go into other facets of life as well, but that's another topic, lack of trying is probably the ultimate when it comes to reasons people end relationships - especially those of a homosexual nature.
Now for some honest questions and a hope for some honest answers, as well. How many of you actually COMMIT to the things you want in a mate? When/If your mate should fall short, how quickly do you GIVE UP, solely based on the fact that they aren't exactly what you want? These questions are necessary to ask because I've noticed many questions over the years where people ask "Why am I single?" I guess the question to be asked should go along the lines of whether or not you are asking for too much? Are you exemplifying everything you would want in a mate? Would you want someone to accept you based on exactly what you are? Do you expect more from others than you expect from yourself? I guess I'd rather ask how much of what you REALLY want is what you really need? Why not attempt to make it work as opposed to thwarting all possibility of happiness with this person only because they don't fit into every assorted ring of fire you've aligned for them to navigate? Why not just TRY?
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