I'm always quite in awe of the vulnerability I put forth into my writing. I'm also surprised that I worry so much about what I've written or HOW I have written it (I'm an editor to a fault), that I tend to not even post it until it's just right. I submit to you - with hopes of great conversation, a post written on July 10, 2009. I was still in the mere beginnings (9 months in) of my relationship and begin this post speaking about my, then, boyfriend (who later became my fiancee). Now, obviously (to some), we are no longer together (another post coming soon, I'm sure), so understand where this was at that point. Again, this is a
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED post that I'm deciding to post now. Perhaps I'll eventually do a lot of these "
FLASHBACK" posts (yes, I have a lot of "unpublished" brain farts. Nonetheless, here's the post:
There are a lot of thoughts going through my head right now and so I'm sure this post will go off on a few tangents, but I will try to keep it reigned in - you've seen my previous posts, they can go pretty far. *look at that, even the first sentence is a run-on - LoL*
So Hifey *I still have to give you a post all about my boyfriend - anyway he* and I were talking *day after day we find more ways to talk about any and everything and are getting much better at this whole communication thing.* Anyway we were talking about a myriad of things involving relationships - but we settled more on a conversation of trust. Basically the conversation went along the lines of how so many people have expressed to us (throughout our almost 9-month relationship) that they feel he and I are the ideal when it comes to a relationship. They feel we exemplify that ultimate, that relationship epitome, and we always ask why they think so. I think we both shy away from this sort of conversation because it puts some sort of stigma on us, some sort of lofty expectation that we don't want to have to live up to. Thank goodness we are both humble enough to take the compliment, give thanks for the intent, and work from it. But with this discussion topic, we often - afterwards - have a discussion asking ourselves why others feel we exemplify this unattainable amalgamation that is, simply, our relationship?
We tend to go on for quite some time trying to come up with reasons why others think we are in such a coveted position but the truth of the matter is that we don't put so much heady weight on it. We know that we are in a relationship and we will do whatever is necessary in order to ensure the union reaches its ultimate level. If that level is never to come, we know that it will likely be because we continued to raise the bar for ourselves. I suppose our mode of thinking is just that we know that despite whatever goes on in our relationship, we will always attempt to make it work - to put in the effort in order to sustain. I have found that most people - when it comes to relationships - list a lot of things that they want *or do not want* when it comes to a mate and where their relationship will go. Yet a lot of them - and dare I say MOST - fall short when it comes to actually putting in the work necessary to at least TRY accomplishing this goal. Now this can probably go into other facets of life as well, but that's another topic, lack of trying is probably the ultimate when it comes to reasons people end relationships - especially those of a homosexual nature.
Now for some honest questions and a hope for some honest answers, as well. How many of you actually COMMIT to the things you want in a mate? When/If your mate should fall short, how quickly do you GIVE UP, solely based on the fact that they aren't exactly what you want? These questions are necessary to ask because I've noticed many questions over the years where people ask "Why am I single?" I guess the question to be asked should go along the lines of whether or not you are asking for too much? Are you exemplifying everything you would want in a mate? Would you want someone to accept you based on exactly what you are? Do you expect more from others than you expect from yourself? I guess I'd rather ask how much of what you REALLY want is what you really need? Why not attempt to make it work as opposed to thwarting all possibility of happiness with this person only because they don't fit into every assorted ring of fire you've aligned for them to navigate? Why not just TRY?
