My First Time

It had been raining for, pretty much, the whole day.  Interestingly though, it didn't seem to be gloomy and depressing but more like those little drops of liquid sunshine we'd been told so much about as children.  It seemed to truly be about renewal and re-purposed use of the space.  Why think negatively about it, right?

Truth be told, it was the start of a new experience for me. I was embarking on new experiences - as I have been on a daily here in New York.  The rain merely mirrored my thoughts on the day and all the happenings within my life since my arrival here - it had been a continuous refreshing of my mind and spirit so that I could be better prepared to live in each moment.

As I left the restaurant, the rain had not subsided.  As I strolled down the Brooklyn streets, I found myself singing in the rain (in my mind, that is).  I called my parents to tell them of my day.  I was sure I'd be on the phone with my mom for a little while, so I stopped in the doorway of a closed store to shield myself from the rain.  I was dressed rather business casual (but with VWayne appeal) but nothing too flashy.  I was knee-deep in a discussion on the virtues of maintaining a positive attitude in life when he approached me.

He was an attractive older Caucasian (is that a PC term anymore?) gentlemen - perhaps late 30s to mid 40s.  He wore khaki slacks, the long sleeves of his plaid shirt were rolled up, a gray sweater tied around his waist, dark brown shoes, and a seemingly matching dark brown messenger bag across his chest.

He seemed to walk toward me as if he knew me - quickly down the street, then slowing when he was about 5 feet or so away.  I wasn't standing very far from the subway, so I assumed he was making his way into the station.  I didn't pay much attention but still noticed his movements - being cognizant of my surroundings is, after all, my favorite pastime.

He made eye contact and smiled.  Of course, I've been taught to be cordial so I flashed him a polite smile and continued my conversation. (these pleasantries may stop going forward)  A couple moments passed and I realized he was still hovering within that same 3-5 foot radius around the door I was in. He smiled again.  A curious smile appeared on my face.

What he did next freaked me out a bit and opened my eyes to a phenomenon women talk about all the time.  On his 3rd or 4th trip past me, I watched him remove a gold band from his fourth finger, left hand before placing it into his brown messenger bag.  I did my best to disguise my disgust - both on my face and in my voice while I was speaking with my mother.  The sheer fact that he continued to slowly circle me as if I were chum in the sea and he was some sort of great white shark bothered me already.  Add to this that he basically tied a bib around his neck before going in for his meal, well ... yea.

I ended the conversation with my mother "good night, I love you.  Kiss my dad."  I could tell he assuredly saw this as his opportunity.  He turned toward me with a smile (significantly wider than those prior) and raised eyebrows.  I figured the thoughts in his mind had something to do with the bulge he then sported within his khakis and how he might use me to assist him with this.  I can't imagine the level of disappointment he must have felt as I walked right past him without acknowledgment.  As I descended into the subway, I assume there was a great deal of deflation in his ego, not to mention his pants. Sucks to be him.

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I survived my first cruising experience in New York.  While it may not have had the happy ending most might expect from such an encounter, it was still worth going through at all.

Same Love: Equality for One and All

“If a couple of gay guys want to throw the gayest, most fabulous
wedding of all time, the only way it should offend you is if
you weren’t invited.” 
― Orlando Winters, boywritesmiami.com

It is an historic day in America.  Two measures of perhaps the biggest civil rights   debates of our generation are being brought before the highest court in our land. (Of course, "our generation" depicts those of us who were not necessarily around for the Civil Rights Movement of the 50's and 60's)  These are truly the biggest collective fights of our lives, to date.  Prop 8 and DOMA have been highly contested over the more recent years as Americans become more CLOSELY divided on the subject of marriage equality. As the US Supreme Court prepares to hear arguments on these cases, we all wait with bated breath to determine which way history will be made within our world - in which way will the fabric of our nation be changed?

On one hand, arguments will ultimately decide the constitutionality of California's Proposition 8, which banned all same-sex marriages within the state in 2008.  After a ballot measure and state constitutional amendment was passed and approved, the law was changed to say "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California."  Certainly this was met with many dissenting opinions from LGBT persons and supporters throughout the state and ultimately the country. This has cycled over the years until ultimately we have been brought to today, when the Supreme Court will ultimately be put into a position

where a decision must be made on whether or not that amendment was/is constitutional within the confines of our legal system.  This is expected to be a close vote between the justices where a swing vote will ultimately be required for a narrow ruling.

The second measure, to be considered tomorrow, is that of DOMA or the Defense of Marriage Act.  The high- (or low-) lights of this federal law include a definition that marriage is legal union of a man and a woman for federal and inter-state recognition purposes in the United States.  It also states legally married couples of the same sex don't have the same eligibility for tax, pension and some other items as heterosexual counterparts.  Similar to Prop 8, DOMA supporters continue defending a law that others find discriminatory and unconstitutional - this case dealing more with equal protection under the law moreso than equal rights of marriage.  The decision to be handed down from the US Supreme Court is in response to a case from an 80+ year old New York woman who sued the federal government after she was forced to pay estate taxes to the tune of more than $360k.  The two women were married in Canada in 2007 after being together for about 40 years.  DOMA didn't recognize their union as legal, despite their traveling to Canada being a legal ceremony (Canadian provinces started recognizing same-sex marriage as legal in 2003 and ultimately mid-2005 throughout the country).

Regardless of the side on which you fall for this (these) issue(s), we cannot deny the monumental impact this will have on the world we, as Americans, live in and hold so dear.  I'm always shocked when African Americans tend to deny these to be issues of civil rights.  It seems there is some murky line of distinction between the Gay Rights Initiative and the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's.  It is as if the two didn't hold the same fundamental truths of equal protection under the law and overall equality for all men (and women) within our country.  Do they not ask the same things?  Is the LGBT community not merely a subset of the overall conglomerate of Americans who do/did not reap the same benefits outlined as requirements for all Americans?  Clearly I understand the hesitation and possible reasons for otherwise pensive thought processes with regard to this (that's a completely different topic all together), however right is right and wrong is wrong.

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Recently, I discovered a song by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis from their Album The Heist (released October 9, 2012) entitled "Same Love."  When I first heard this song, I was so astonished that I had not heard about it before. It speaks to many fundamental truths that I couldn't believe anyone - let alone a heterosexual man! - would step up to say these things.  I'm not going to review it, but I do want you to hear the song. I've also just discovered there is a video for it.  Being the sap I am, of course I shed two or three - or seven or nine - tears while watching it.  There are many immediate similarities one could draw to their own lives - myself included.

All in all, these situations are dealing with HUMAN rights - not just civil rights. Perhaps this term sits better on the tongues of the African Americans who deny the similarities or blatant absolution.  The fight seems to be more about ensuring we all receive the same opportunities, rights, perks, benefits, consequences and anything else warranted for being an American under the laws of our great nations.  It's not SIMPLY about being able to marry who you want - but more about receiving what I should be entitled as an American citizen.

"A certificate on paper isn't gonna solve it all, but it's a damn good place to start!"

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