HOLD IT/DUH/OOPS ... *This is the last one, tonight, I promise* :-)

When I started my first blog, I mentioned how I would write it as though I was talking to family or a really good friend (ie, family). So with that being said, I had to remember that I didn't tell you guys what has happened to me in my weeks of not posting blogs ...

On Tuesday, June 23, 2009, after almost 2 years of hard work *giggle* (inside joke), my position of income-generating employment was terminated. I won't give the details because it isn't necessary, but I'm no longer there. So I'm here - in a space where many tell me I should be focusing on my dance talents ... I have no motivation - that hurts my heart.

I used to be my motivation to succeed with dance and accomplish the things I set out to achieve, but I don't currently feel that. I'm sure it's just an emotion that's bottled up somewhere within trying to get out, but it isn't showing itself. Perhaps it's tired and waiting for some sort of catalyst to bring it back to life, yet it presently hides. *sigh*
.....
On Friday, June 26, 2009, I pulled off a great feat! Hifey's birthday was on Saturday, June 20th and I had put together a surprise birthday party for him the following Friday. With the help of others and despite the obvious attempts by the devil and his minions to sabotage my great deed, a white party was had for him - at his house. The topper, I flew in his best friend (they hadn't seen each other in about 3 years!) to add to the celebration. He was very appreciative and extremely happy - despite his lack of enthusiasm toward surprises. It was gorgeous and he deserved every bit of smile on his face that evening and several subsequent evenings.

I know this might sound a bit irresponsible given that I just lost my job only days before, but if there's one thing Hifey has taught me, it's that life is about enjoying the things you have before you. That and the fact that all the things were set in motion - obviously - before I was blindsighted with job loss.
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On Tuesday, July 7, 2009, hifey and I made 6 months of happiness. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that every day is roses. I will say that we have made every day count and attempted to find those roses in as many days as we possibly can. We have a lot of things going against us and we haven't a plan to let those things deter us from our ever-developing happiness. We've made many strides in only half a year of being officially mutually-exclusive. Damnit, I love that man something sick! *giggle*
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I will do my absolute best to not let so much time go by between posts from now on. I wanted to use this blog as a means of getting information out there and I was slacking. Granted, June is USUALLY and will likely forever be one of my busiest months - my birthday *typically celebrated all 30 days* and now Hifey's birthday is added to that celebration.

No excuses ... I will start posting more often ...

Ciao for Now,

VW

How the heck do you do this?

OK, so I had been gone for some time and now I come back with, what, 5 posts in less than 12 hours???? I know, I'm sorry, but I have had a lot of things that I wanted to talk about - some of which are still sitting in the "draft" status and just unfinished masterpieces - shut it, they could be my own masterpieces.

Well, the more I look at my profile, I realize it looks very dull and dreary and I'm not so sure that suits me. I'm not dull and dreary, so why does my page look like that, right? I need help.

You know I'm relatively new to this, perhaps you've seen someone else's blog and can give me some pointers? Maybe you have done your own and have some ideas that might help spruce my page up - aside from a new color scheme. My favorite blog A Day in the Life of Kendal has some pictures of models and actors - one of which I have had some extensive conversations with in the past regarding my career *I digress* and so I was thinking that maybe I could add some photography to the site? But then what do I add? Pictures of whom? I find that I will be giving certain parties a certain level of anonymity in my blog, so I don't know that pictures of friends and family will work.

*sigh*

A little help here, people ... ?

English Royalty

Hmmm ...

Somewhere amongst all the movies and television programs I have watched regarding this bloodline, I believe I have developed some sort of spirit of intrigue. I desire to know more. I find myself talking more and more - and sometimes in the written word - to speak in old English.

Hifey *one of these days there will be a post devoted solely to him* is a huge fan of the Tudor period and subsequently Tudor-style homes. He plans to design our home to be modeled as such. Anyway, I don't think I knew anything more than the mention of King Henry VIII to tell you anything of this period before Hifey's influence. I believe *and this will likely be somewhat garbled from the actual series of events* as a child his father called him a prince - thus if you know him, you will likely see "Prince" or "HRH (His Royal Highness)" somewhere around his name. (thank goodness he doesn't require that I treat him as though I am his lowly subject - that wouldn't likely go over well) His former neighborhood had a name - the specifics eludes me at this moment - that had to do with royalty or something with the potential to have one recall some sort of English nobility or the like. *Cambridge - perhaps that was the street name* ... Either way, the streets had names like those of English cities or something like that and the name of the neighborhood ... well, you get the point. Anyway ... there was also - on the home where he spent most of his life (and in the area in which he would one day like for us to, one day, own property) - a crest and coat of arms above the door. I believe that story goes that the original architects of the building built it as somewhat of an homage to their original home - England *there's more to it, I'm sure.* I'm likely butchering this story and he'll *undoubtedly* tell me about it soon after reading this (yes, he reads my meager attempt at blogging). Nonetheless, even if that is somewhat incorrect, the story is similar to the truth (I'm most definitely not trying to sensationalize his love of English royalty). So that's that - he is in love with anything that has to do with the Tudor period.

Thus my current state. Hifey has expressed such an interest in these things that, of course, I have followed suit. Is not a relationship about loving - or at least having some sort of knowledge about - the things your partner *I am not a fan of this descriptor for our *or any for that matter) relationship? Anyway ... as I've been attempting to learn more and more *I did already like the Showtime series "The Tudors" - no doubt because I believe Jonathan Rhys Meyers to be quite the looker* I have found myself enjoying more and more of it. I sometimes wonder what things would have been like had we actually lived in that period.

So I just finished the 10-time Academy Award nominated movie Anne of the Thousand Days - the story of Henry VIII's "love affair" with Anne Boleyn - and many questions circle through the confines of my mind. I'm curious as to what was true of Henry's love for Anne - or for any of his wives, for that matter. That he would commit countless acts of adultery, throw one wife away to marry another, then have that one beheaded so that he might marry yet another, and so much more - all with the rationale of begetting a male heir to the English throne? I understand the thought of that time and how women were merely to obey their husbands and held no true power, but he professed such love for them all. Can there be this much love to be had from one man? Was he not using them all? Did they all not see this? I find myself torn between whether there was a true love of these women or merely a great deal of lust for what the opposite sex could provide him - and what they couldn't, despite his longing.

Now I find myself trying to bring these same themes into the here and now ... with those men who cheat ... what is it that drives them? Is there some larger-than-life rationale, such as King Henry had? Or is it merely for the lusting and momentary flex of power and pleasure that it's done? Maybe this is actually what drove King Henry and the intense "hunger" he had for a son was merely a superficial reasoning that scholars have come up with over the many years following his and his family's reign? Perhaps I'm taking this a great deal out of context in some way, but I am starting to find this era fascinating.

Anne of the Thousand Days has undoubtedly solidified my curiosity with these people, their lives, their deaths, and so much in between. I would like to think it had nothing to do with the depictions of King Henry and Anne Boleyn by Richard Burton and Genevieve Bujold, prospectively, despite the fact that they diddo really great jobs (both received nods for their performances). I also think that perhaps the lives these people lead were just filled with lots of interesting facts - and the different thoughts on what truly transpired doesn't help any. Hifey and I have discussed - in so many words - the many interpretations and depictions of these times and I suppose that might also be what causes a great deal of my intrigue. So many have very different thoughts on what has actually happened that it leads you to crave exploration of them all. I don't think the appeal it has for me holds a candle to that of the hifey but I do consider myself hooked.

It's also funny that I mentioned to him the costumes from the aforementioned movie and my subsequent research lead me to find Costume Design to be the 1 Academy Award the film did win.

I didn't plan for this to get so long or to be so ... well, I think I should stop apologizing for my posts' lengths at this stage. :-)

Ciao for Now

Bases Loaded ... ??? aka WHAT THE ... ?

Let me start this post by saying that you just might need to read it more than once. - I just did.

OK - a little exposition: When I just read this I finished in somewhat of a dumbfounded state. I was trying to figure out what I was thinking when I originally wrote this - moreso (is that supposed to be one word or two? hmmm), I was trying to place a rationale on it without actually finishing the piece and trying to figure out what I was thinking afterward - you know, look at the piece as a whole? Well ... I won't tell you what I figured out ... I'll just let you take it the way you want to ... maybe you will be able to figure it out based on previous posts, maybe you won't figure it out until later, maybe you never will figure it out at all. Either way, there is a great deal of imagery for the reader and if you think about it, you can tell exactly what the metaphor is. Lemme know what ya think

Originally posted on Friday, January 5, 2007 ...

Lately life, for me, has presented itself in the form of a baseball game with me at bat. At first, I was being thrown extreme fastballs ...

**The first one came so quickly that I was blindsighted and ended up smacked in the face with the ball. *BALL 1!* I consider it to be an oversight ... I wasn't paying attention and I got hit ... no biggie ... I don't wanna walk.
**Then, even though I knew the happenings of the previous pitch, it happens again. This one didn't hurt as bad because it went right inside and just skimmed my arm. *BALL 2!* I mean, why on Earth would you think they would throw the same pitch again? It's OK ... I'll be better next time ... right??
**The next pitch ... I see it coming ... it looks like it's gonna be a piece of cake ... I've got my eye on the ball ... with a hope that I can knock it out of the park ... then it curves ... a swing and a miss. **STRIKE 1!** It's OK ... that's only one strike ... I can get it back ... but where did I go wrong with that one? Of course I'm thinking it's my fault instead of the slick pitching. Hindsight lets me know that I should have let it go and I would still be alive with another ball. Ah well.
**The next pitch ... fast ball ... I see it coming ... I swing hard ... IT'S A HIT! ... shit! ... **FOUL BALL!** It went back over my head and into the stands. I knew I had that one! How did I tip it and foul? Perhaps I over thought it. Now I'm feeling the pressure and think I should have just taken the walk when he hit me the first time. I wouldn't even have known about all that he's thrown at me since. Ah well ... too late to think that now ...
**The pitch ... straight down the line ... I swing ... **STRIKE 2** What an idiot I am ... my eyes are playing tricks on me ... something told me it was time to swing ... yet the ball has reached only the three-quarters point from the pitcher's mound to home plate. Was it my eyes? Or an intuition that I needed to swing hard and I swung before he could hit me with it again? Or was he actually "giving me one" ... a pitch that was perfect for me to knock it out of the park, yet I was thinking too hard about the previous garbage he threw? Or is it possible he knew my guard would be high and wanted to get something bad by me - basically playing on my weaknesses? After all ... this IS a game about winning ... right? I step away from the plate and take a few practice swings. Basically to try and calm myself. Now that I'm calm ... kinda ...
**The pitch ... **BALL 3!** high and outside. More time to breathe. Is he trying to help me regain my cool? Or is he trying to play me so that I'm more reserved when he throws a whopper at me?
**The pitch ...everything is in slow motion ... yet my mind is moving a mile a minute ... swing? hold fast? swing? hold fast? WHAT DO I DO?!?!?

I close my eyes and say a little prayer ... I think about that last pitch in real time ... the ball is coming FAST ... I'm frozen. I can't even blink an eye ... just before I feel as though I can move ... I feel as though a semi just attempted to drive through my side. I double over in pain. It's so bad that I collapse to the ground and can't even take the base. I'm rushed to the hospital.

My eyes open abruptly ... still slow motion ... I now take a look at 3rd base ... it's the pitcher!!! I blink my eyes and look to second ... The pitcher!!! He's on first base as well. The bases are loaded with the pitcher!! What does this MEAN? Does this mean it's a win/win or that the game is not about winning in the first place? Am I thinking too much about this whole thing and I'll be OK if I just "have fun" as they say? Do I need to just let go and allow the chips to fall where they may? My fears continue to overwhelm me ... yes, he could only have been trying to get my attention with the first few pitches and then let up so I could just know he was there. However, that first pitch hit me ... and it HURT! What if my vision was true? *I close my eyes* What if I DO get hit like that again? ... what if I'm unable to recover? How do I know this is worth the risk? I love this game. I'm reminded of a song - Sisqo and Lovher "Is love enough?"

Opening my eyes is like instant replay ... only it's now in real time ...

**The pitch ... swing? hold fast? swing? hold fast? WHAT DO I DO?!?!?

California, can you hear me??

So I know that this happened some time ago and it's obsolete as far as it's request, but I felt it necessary to post it here. As I re-read it, I immediately think to the way I express myself and how it can sometimes be perceived. I usually try and take an outside opinion when I read my work, but it can sometimes be difficult. With this post, it wasn't all that difficult, I mean, it's something that happened some 8 months ago. How fitting that I post it now ... 8 months after and it's regarding Proposition 8. OK, maybe that isn't really that exciting, but so what, humor me! The more I think about this subject, I get a wave of mixed emotions and can't really decide where I lie along the spectrum of people and their thoughts on the issue. Nonetheless, here is what I thought as of November 3, 2008. Some of my thoughts are the same and some might have changed. I can't speak to which.

Despite the fact that it was done some 8 months ago, I would still love to hear your thoughts on my opinions as well as the issue as a whole. Here are a few of my words - a relatively short post, don't you think? LoL

Originally titled California ~ November 4, 2008...

While the historic ramifications of the presidential election are quite paramount, it is also necessary to pay attention to history-making votes on other platforms as well.  Tomorrow will bring about the vote on California's "Proposition 8"  - I do know that there is also "Proposition 4" as well but for the sake of time, I won't discuss that here.

Because I live in Illinois, many question why I worry so much about this ... many also question why I am more focused on the outcome of California's local (state) politics than that of the national presidential election.  The truth of the matter is that we get away from all the real things necessary to be spoken of when it comes to election time.  How many of us are actually focusing on the issues within this general election and what each candidate stands for??  I suppose my mind has been made up for some time regarding for whom I shall cast my ballot tomorrow.  The decision for whom I want to represent me in running my country the way I see fit is already done. But because I am unable to participate in something that still means so much to me and where the ramifications are so outstretched, my greater concern lies there.  I am more focused on the outcome of this vote than which man will stand to be inaugurated in January.

I am unable to tell you how you should vote tomorrow - it just isn't my style to beat you over the head with anything and tell you what you NEED to do.  But I would greatly appreciate a serious thought process regarding what is really at stake regarding "Prop 8" with/without your vote on this issue.  If you haven't really thought much about all that is included in this "discussion" please do some research before it is too late to let your voice be heard.  If this isn't something you feel is right (on either side of the issue) - vote!  Vote from your heart.  But I would hope that you are listening to all sides and not just making a decision based on what you have been told - or what you've been conditioned to believe.  Please look within yourself and find out what is necessary to make the RIGHT decision.

The world is watching ...

Simply...VWayne

PS - here is a vid to give you the side of those who live with the wanting of equality (as the constitution currently states we should all have).  I hope I am not being too biased with this posting because I would really hope you are looking at this situation with eyes wide open ... but this video is based on my own feelings regarding the situation.

I hope you will respond to this blog whether you live in CA or anywhere else - I'd love to hear your thoughts ...

See you all at the polls

Message From a Jackass/Enjoy Life & Stay Happy

Hey there fun fans ...

So I was just going through my old emails and came across one particular forward *I despise forwards* that I actually kept. It had a message that I truly enjoyed and so I am going to share it with you now ...

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL:
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less from people but more from God.

I just thought I'd share that with you all ... I love this message and felt it necessary to provide it for your all's enjoyment as well.

Enjoy Life & Stay Happy