Life throws us many curve balls.
Today my best friend called me crying - I hope she doesn't mind that I'm posting this about her (she'll get over it). She called me crying because things are not going her way. She wants for things in her life to take a turn for the better and she feels that she's working hard for these changes, yet she continues to be slapped in the face with continuous let downs. Let downs are caused by an expectation of others.
Truth is, we would like to be able to count on others, but this is an unrealistic expectation and will tend to cause undoubted turmoil for ourselves. We will more than likely end up with a feeling of being let down - a feeling of being an ultimate victim. Before you think I'm going down the road of cynicism, allow me to provide you with my stance on this situation.
I'm a FIRM believer that everything we attempt in life must first come from a wealth of love and affection we first give ourselves. If you haven't given anything to self, you can't expect to be able to give anything to others. I feel as though there is a bank within each of us from which we tend to give to others. Unfortunately, we tend to focus so much on what we can do for others, that we often forget about refilling the bank. This leaves us with nothing, since we've given it all to others. Then, because we've given to others, we expect for them to do the same for us. This is not fair to request of others, yet we still feel them selfish since they took from us but give nothing in return.
The REAL problem with this is that we have given nothing to and left nothing for ourselves. When the other person gives nothing in return, we finally realize that we haven't a bit of reserve for ourselves and so the "selfishness" of the other person is felt even stronger. How could they do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why doesn't he love me? Doesn't he realize what I've done for him? Truth of the matter is that we cannot expect for others to give to us what we should first have given to ourselves.
The moment we realize it is NOT "selfish" to give to self first, but a natural requirement, the better off we will be going forward. Consider a bank. Financial institutions are in the business of doling out money. If the financial institution doesn't first build the reserve, there would be nothing for them to give others, right? If they were to still give out a loan to whomever asked, the bank would be stretched thin and eventually file bankruptcy, correct? If you continue to pay bills with money you don't have, you will not be able to take care of the other responsibilities you have, correct? You will be left with a negative bank account and bigger questions about how you replenish said bank account in order to take care of the things you need (and WANT) to.
Why do we treat our happiness any differently? We tend to focus a great deal on the things that are going on with others but neglect ourselves. We work to improve the happiness of our friends, family members, and even some folks we've never even met, yet we forget the importance of our OWN happiness. Most of us have heard that when you give to others, you get back a great deal. We've interpreted this to mean that we have to think of others first and this is WRONG! W-R-O-N-G! WRONG! (Before moving forward, I should say that this is IN MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION, of course. I don't know all the answers) The interpretation of this SHOULD BE that you give of yourself (WHEN YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO) because (AND ONLY IF) it's what you have within you to give. People must focus on self FIRST so that there is something AVAILABLE others.
I believe if we treat ourselves as a bank, perhaps we will learn to give out only what we are able. If you build up your happiness bank, there will be plenty to give. No one should give their last happiness "dollar" because you, yourself, are then left with none. I do believe, however, the DESIRE to give to others, even when you haven't a happiness dollar to give, is another way you replenish your own. God sees this desire within your heart and immediately provides for you the excess you need. He makes up for what you're lacking so that you may give to others yet STILL HAVE FOR YOURSELF! However, if you neglect yourself, but still give to others, God needs to show you where it comes from. This is why we find ourselves down in the dumps - crying and confused. We've given our last bit of happiness to another and left our bank empty. Then we continue to give without even considering the source of refilling. How can we expect to give something to others if we haven't anything to give. God needs us to know that this is not possible - and so he doesn't replenish it until we figure it out.
Often times, this process leaves us to feel as though everyone is "against" us. They appear to have taken and taken and taken but given nothing in return and we feel as though they have attacked us personally. Perhaps those people had something to give and didn't, but perhaps not. It's possible that, in our own hour of need, the other person just didn't have anything left in their own bank and so we are left to suffer. Yet we still hold them in contempt when they did not mean any personal affront to us. We have to get out of our own way.
The moment we realize that we are in control of filling our happiness meter, we can give to self AND to others, THEN - and seemingly ONLY then - will God begin to bless us to the point that our happiness meter overflows.
Where my friend is concerned, I issued her a challenge and I will issue it to you as well. Throughout the motivation I attempted to give her, I found myself repeating these words: "You are stronger than you think you are! You CAN do this!" These words continued to fall out of my mouth before I even realized it. I also realized that they were meant for me as well (how awesome is it to realize that your assistance to others can be used for self, as well). That being said, I have ALSO accepted the challenge: I've set an HOURLY reminder in my phone. This reminder repeats those words - "You are stronger than you think you are, VWayne! You CAN do this!" The challenge is to say this aloud as an hourly affirmation. The idea is to say it so much that you have no choice but to believe it. You put it into the world so that God can build upon that seed within your life until it builds a great harvest within you. We could all benefit from a harvest of abundant happiness. Won't you join us in the challenge?
We're all enduring things within our lives. We continue to question why they are happening to us and this is not necessarily a bad thing. The bad thing happens when you don't allow yourself to be receptive to the answers (or the steps toward the enlightenment that is 'the answer'). When we find that our friends and family members have "let us down," we are actually realizing God's plan for us. He is continuing to prune us. We are His flowers and He tends to His garden with great diligence. When rotten leaves spring about, He carefully removes them so that we are healthy and happy and blossom to our greatest potential. Don't stunt your growth by focusing on those lost leaves. They were already dead and could ultimately kill you, if left unattended. Which is better: to focus on others and ensure they grow to their own predetermined height (blocking the light you need for your OWN growth), or to allow yourself to be pruned, so that you can blossom as much as you can and allow the natural pollination process to then assist in the growth of those others? As for those tears - they are a good thing also ... every plant needs to be watered, right?
This is how you help yourself AND help others!
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